This list is hilarious! According to Radar Magazine these are the worst and most dangerous toys of all time, as defined by their ability to kill, maim and generally be hazardous to the well being of the children to which they were given.
Each toy is linked to the complete page on the Radar website that has a more complete description of the mayhem wreaked by the particular weapon toy.
Here goes then:
10.) Fisher-Price Power Wheels Motorcycle
Eager youngsters who gunned the throttle found that it often stayed gunned, stuck in a petrifying state of perma-acceleration. Presumably, the child on the motorcycle was then taken on a hellish, intestine-twisting scream ride.
9.) Battlestar Galactica Missile Launcher
It takes just a few jabbed eyes, some torn intestines and the death of a child to bring down a party, and that’s just what happened in January 1979, when the battle cruiser missiles were finally recalled.
The Reb fired hard, plastic cannonballs with a spring mechanismâ€â€the aspiring secessionist need only pull a lanyard. No word on exactly how fast the cannonballs flew, but they traveled up to 35 feet and seemed perfectly sized to lodge into an eye socket, down an open mouth…
7.) Creepy Crawlers
Nothing says safety like an open hot plate. And nothing says fun like using that open hot plate to create molten, rubbery insects you can throw at your sister while narrowly avoiding setting the house ablaze.
At least those who dodged serious injury or disfigurement could safely eat their creation. Oh wait, the critters were toxic, too.
6.) Bat Masterson Derringer Belt Gun
According to SafeKids USA, “Caps can be ignited by friction and cause serious burns.” Every young boy needs to learn the valuable lesson of always protecting his nether regions, with force if necessary, but given the positioning of the Derringer, the owner’s greatest enemy might have actually been puberty.
5.) Sky Dancers
Injuries included scratched corneas and temporary blindness, mild concussions, broken ribs and teeth, and facial lacerations that required stitches. Nearly nine million Sky Dancers were eventually recalled, leaving aspiring ballerinas to earn their battle scars the old fashioned way, with an eating disorder.
4.) Snacktime Cabbage Patch Dolls
With no mechanism to turn off the munching should trouble arise, it was only a matter of time before some cherub’s long blonde hair got caught in the doll’s rabid jaws. After 35 fingers and ponytails fell victim, the Snacktime Kids were removed from retail shelves forever, and 500,000 customers were offered a full $40 refund.
3.) Mini-Hammocks from EZ Sales
Unfortunately, children seeking to spend an afternoon like Gilligan became entangled in the net and strangled to death.
CPSC reported in August 1996 that the product had resulted in the fatal and near-fatal asphyxiation of dozens of kids ages five to 17 and recalled three million of them.
2.) Gilbert U-238 Atomic Energy Lab
For a mere $49.50, the kit came complete with three “very low-level” radioactive sources, a Geiger-Mueller radiation counter, a Wilson Cloud Chamber (to see paths of alpha particles), a Spinthariscope (to see “live” radioactive disintegration), four samples of Uranium-bearing ores, and an Electroscope to measure radioactivity.
1.) Lawn Darts!
During their brief (and generally awesome) reign in 1980s suburbia, Jarts racked up 6,700 injuries and four deaths.
Nov shmoz ka pop. George W. “Traitor” Bush first promised to punish the person who leaked the name of a CIA agent and on the eve of the 4th of July pardoned the bastard.
Bush proves that he is only president of the rabid conservatives and not of the rest of us. He’s the most dangerous toy we’ve ever bought. NEW-QUE-LAHR!
Blummis, you’re a retard. That has nothing to do with dangerous toys. I hate Bush too, but you’re just being moronic. GTFO my internets, please.
Anyways, #2 makes me laugh hard. I can’t believe they’d actually sell that…
And my mom still has a deep scar on her head from a lawn dart.
they still sell lawn darts don’t they? we played with them at guides ages ago [well by ages i mean a year or two ago]
Every family picnic I went to growing up had lawn darts and horse shoes. I don’t remember a single person being hurt by them.
The Long-Ago Boyhood Pasttime of Metal Casting Toy Soldiers: Kids and Hot Molten Lead, What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
Tom,
That is hilarious! Thanks for sharing. :-)
John
I remember Creepy Crawlers so well. They had that smell unlike any other mysterious substance (granted that substance did set into a solid state after a good blast in the micro furnace which was the CC oven) I can recall from childhood. While my brother had a bug set (and my mom still had some of her “bug plates” from the ’60s), as a child of the 80s/early 90s (when anything that could come in a doll version more than likely did) I had the make your own peachy flesh toned CC doll set.
Thanks for this run trip down memory lane :-)
I actually have the Bat Masterson Derringer Gun Belt. That orange cap isnt original the gun wouldnt fold closed with that or at least the version I have wouldnt. Wonder what its worth these days?
Did I grow up in the only family in America that realized that lawn darts are relatively safe if you don’t throw them in the direction of other people? If two people are standing on the same side of a lawn and you put a hula-hoop in the middle of the yard as a target, how can you injure yourself?
It must be natural selection.
A lot of toys have become unavailable since the seventies. For instance it is nearly impossible to buy toy boats that actually float.
I used to make my own bows and arrows with arrowheads chipped from slate and fletched with pigeon feathers. If a kid did this today they would probably try to ban pigeons.