This is not meant to be offensive to anyone, but I found it educational to understand the depths of the Islamic religious basis for the status of women in society. So far as I am aware there is no similar religious teaching in Christianity, Buddhism, or other major religions – although I’m sure someone will correct me if that is not true.
Muslims in general may not bat an eye towards this philosophy, as it may be so ingrained into the culture so as not to be noticed, but I have to wonder how this edict works in the United States where spousal abuse is a crime and can land a man in jail.
The Koran (Quran) instructs men to beat their wives.
QURAN 4:34 – “Men have authority over women because God has made the one superior to the other, and because they spend their wealth to maintain them.
Good women are obedient. They guard their unseen parts because God has guarded them.
As for those from whom you fear disobedience, admonish them and send them to beds apart and beat them. Then if they obey you, take no further action against them. Surely God is high, supreme.”
And here is a Muslim cleric expounding on the proper way to beat a wife. I find it interesting that at one point he says “…she is not his merchandise…”, yet no one seems to see the hypocrisy in one human beating another – whom they do not “own” – to exert control.
Then again, perhaps he is simply wrong to have said that and the woman is indeed the husband’s merchandise.
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Wife beating anytime and for any reason is never allowed in Islam. There is however a questionable condition where Allah Almighty seems to allow the husband to beat his wife, and that is after he gives her two warnings to stop showing ill-conduct and disloyalty.
Before we start, I’d like to first say that because Arabic is a complex language, and because Allah Almighty purposely and carefully chose certain words to be placed in certain Noble Verses, I strongly believe that Allah Almighty allowed for the interpretation of NOT beating wives to be valid. In other words, a Muslim man would not be going against Allah Almighty’s Divine Will if he doesn’t beat his wife, and instead, deserts her by leaving the house and living for instance with his parents for a period of time until the disobedient wife comes back to her senses, which would be as equivalent as the first interpretation, since the end result is the same, which is to discipline the bad wife and to get her back on the Right Path of what makes GOD Almighty satisfied with her.
Let us look at Noble Verses 4:34-36 “(34). Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all).
(35). If ye fear a breach between them twain, appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family, and the other from hers; if they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation: For Allah hath full knowledge, and is acquainted with all things.
(36). Serve Allah, and join not any partners with Him; and do good- to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, those in need, neighbours who are near, neighbours who are strangers, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (ye meet), and what your right hands possess: For Allah loveth not the arrogant, the vainglorious;”
The Arabic word used in Noble Verse 4:34 above is “idribuhunna”, which is derived from “daraba” which means “beat”. The thing with all of the Arabic words that are derived from the word “daraba” is that they don’t necessarily mean “hit”. The word “idribuhunna” for instance, could very well mean to “leave” them. It is exactly like telling someone to “beat it” or “drop it” in English.
Allah Almighty used the word “daraba” in Noble Verse 14:24 “Seest thou not how Allah sets (daraba) forth a parable? — A goodly Word Like a goodly tree, Whose root is firmly fixed, And its branches (reach) To the heavens”. “daraba” here meant “give an example”. If I say in Arabic “daraba laka mathal”, it means “give you an example”.
Allah Almighty also used the word “darabtum”, which is derived from the word “daraba” in Noble Verse 4:94, which mean to “go abroad” in the sake of Allah Almighty:
“O ye who believe! When ye go abroad (darabtum) In the cause of Allah, Investigate carefully, And say not to anyone Who offers you a salutation: ‘Thou art none of a Believer!’ Coveting the perishable good Of this life: with Allah Are profits and spoils abundant. Even thus were ye yourselves Before, till Allah conferred On you His favours: therefore Carefully investigate. For Allah is well aware Of all that ye do. (The Noble Quran, 4:94)”
So “daraba” literally means “beat”, or “go abroad”, or “give” but not in the sense to give something by hand, but rather to give or provide an example.
Important Note: Notice how Allah Almighty in Noble Chapter (Surah) 4 He used “daraba (4:34″ and “darabtum (4:94)”, which are both derived from the same root. He used both words in the same Chapter, which tells me that “daraba” in Noble Verse 4:34 means to desert or leave, since that’s what its derived word meant in Noble Verse 4:94. The next section below will further prove my point.
I am sure there are more Noble Verses that used words derived from “daraba” in the Noble Quran, but these are the only ones I know of so far. In the case of Noble Verse 4:34 where Allah Almighty seems to allow men to hit their wives after the two warnings for ill-conduct and disloyalty, it could very well be that Allah Almighty meant to command the Muslims to “leave” the home all together and desert their wives for a long time in a hope that the wives would then come back to their senses and repent.
Bushra,
First of all, thank you very much for that insightful and revealing interpretation. I can tell that you are well versed and I very much appreciate the clarification you’ve provided.
As I understand it from your interpretation the preferred method of discipline for a woman may not be, at least initially, to physically punish her; but instead to seek more peaceful alternatives to persuade her to act appropriately.
For me however, this fact doesn’t really change the initial curiosity I expressed when posting the article for the following reasons:
I should have been more specific about the underlying concepts I find captivating here:
In my opinion none of these opinions offer room for debate. There are only two possible future outcomes:
Take care,
John
(in the name of allah)allah is and grate and fair but mens are not fair to women women gets slaped smaked around alot it not fair and men who beat there wifes are dogs discusting to and some men are sick in the heads no afence men mens get sensative if a women is smarter then him he hit her for that men get afrade if women get richer than him but i say ther some men are kind an good to women
Kathy,
I am of the personal belief that women are, in every way that matters, equal to men. I would not follow any religious system that sets man above woman and frankly I am surprised that women are willing to subject themselves to second class status because of any ancient text written by someone who literally didn’t even know the Earth was round or what oxygen is.
Despite what any text suggests I do not believe that a man has a right to lay a hand on a woman (or another man) in any harmful manner. The lone exception comes in the form of law enforcement, and that is merely in a reactive capacity.
If you are in a relationship where your signifigant other brings you any physical bodily harm – or even just terrorizes you, please leave. If you have to flee your own country, take your children and do it. If you are in the US please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE.
I know it is extremely difficult to escape an abusive relationship. The only advice that I can provide is that if you are totally committed to improving your life – and you must be 100% committed – there are people who will help you to actually be happy beyond what you can currently imagine.
John
John: God bless you! I do appreciate your last reply when you tried to give phone numbers to help women.
Yes, if you were a women and you were living with a person who is beating you, YOU MUST do what John said.
I lived in Islamic society almost 22 years (even though I am Christian, I do find it common that a husband beats his wife in my society especially in villages. In my country, the Ministry of statistics have done many surveys, one of the surveys declared that 67% of my country women find it totally OKAY if the husband beats his wife. Just one moment, my country is one of the most civilized islamic countries. In my country, women get killed every day since they may talk or just gave a little attention to a guy, they get killed!!! We call it honor crimes.
Please see this movie, he is another moron talking about Women!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrH6Fu15tkA
Those people MUST change, their mentality MUST change…. Freedom for women, freedom for web surfers,
You can see another video (not so related):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4JQk6qRBM0
God bless you!
Wow! Those are two of the most powerful videos I’ve ever seen. Thanks for sharing them! And thank you for your kind words.
John
You are welcome John. What you see in these videos is nothing compared to what happen in reality.. Like Taliban used to use GYMs to execute women who is not behaving well!?!?
Something if does not make you cry, will make you laugh!
Thank
Hello,
Your comments were helpful; I am living in a violent relationship with a muslum man. Now there is a baby involved. He has lied to me, degraded me, hit me. I am scared for my child. I left him last September to protect her. He has never been around her and she is 18 months old now. He has threatened to kill me. I have notified the police and got a restraining order for my daughter and I. He retailiated and said I didnt obey him and that I am his forever. She and I were going to disappear; I had everything packed and I was served papers trying to get visitation of my daughter. He told me that way I will have to see him on a schedule and cant ignore him. So I cant leave now. He has people watch me and threaten me. It is so hard to get help because everyone wants to do everything legally. I am afraid something will happen to me and then he will get her. I live in fear everyday of my life. There is so much to say about what I have went through for six years. He had me scared to death to ever leave him, I lost my job, had no friends… He accused me everyday that I was unworthy, trash, … then he would say I love you. I just wish someone would help before it is to late. It is so hard to escape him. I feel I will never have a normal life for my daughter and I.
You will one day, don’t give up hope. What country do you live in?
I am so sorry to hear that Dawn. Thats so sad story and I wish we can help you.
Where are you living? Are living in the USA, if yes, you should be fine, you can go to court and get your rights. If you are living outside the USA, say the country name and I will try to help. My cousin is responsible for women rights in an Arabic country. I live in LA, CA.
Where is your husband from?
Or we can give you advice from me or from the man and other blog readers.
God Bless you!
Dawn,
I too am sorry to hear about the horrible experience you are going through. We have a close friend who went through an experience similar to yours and it was hell trying to extricate her from the situation. The good news is that she is now free of the lunatic and happily going on with her life.
I have seen first hand how hard it is to get the Police and courts to take action. You almost need an attorney and that costs real money – something not many women in your situation can afford.
If you could share a few of the details that Adi (ROR Guy) just asked we’ll see what we can do to find you some assistance. You can also use my contact form above if you would rather reach me privately.
John
John,
Bushra was not well versed in his answering. He is well versed in cut and paste with out proper citing.
http://www.answering-christianity.com/beating_no.htm
Hmmm. That explains why there was no reply to my comment.
John
It is very funny how people manage to make Islam seem like a voilent religion that is demeaning and degrading to women while at the same time avoiding to mention other religions. I took a World Religons class and when we studied women in the religions Islam, Chrisitianity and Judasim we found that Islam treated its women in the best manner. While studying Chrisitianity and the position of women in that religion, we learned that a Christian man is allowed to beat his wife for even the smallest of mistakes like not bringing him a cup of water. Also, christian women have absolutely no rights. She must give up her rights, free will, her money and property and her own free soul to her husband. In Islam women are considered valuable and are supposed to be loved and cherished. The Quran clearly states that the heavens are under the feet of the mothers. This shows the high level of respect Islam gives to womenm. Any muslim man who hits his wife is acting based on culture or his own idiotic ideas but it has nothing to do with Islam. So before you talk about someone else’s religion talk about your own, and if you dont have one focus on all religions, not only one. It makes me laugh how one of the commentor’s said that American men hate the fact that people hit their wives, while they have a very high rate of women abuse. Furthermore, before bringing up a specific religion talk about the media which demeans and degrades women every single day. When speaking about Islam please watch what you say and make sure you get your information straight, or how about something even better dont talk about Islam because Islam wans nothing with you and mind your own business.
Sweetie I feel so bad for you but you need to realize that putting your husband under the title MUSLIM is wrong because men in general from every race, creed, and religion can do what your husband has done to you. Go get help but dont think that by giving a bad image about Islam and Muslim will help your case because it doesnt. If you want support from people you can start by not labelling people. You shouldnt have gone into a relationship with him in the first place. Besides he isnt a real muslim because if he was he should know that when a wife wants divorce he must give it to her right away because if he doesnt he will be hurting her and it is unlawful to keep a woman as your wife if she doesnt want you.
I am muslim too and I feel really sorry for you. What he is doing is very wrong. If he was my husband I would have divorced him long ago. You should have your lawyer go against him in court and get letters of recommendation from people saying that you are a good mther that way you will be able to keep your child, who will NEVER be good in the hands of a man like that. GOOD LUCK I HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT FOR YOU.
I do wish the videos from this site would work for me…but either way, i always find it interesting to see how many of our morals are broken when someone with holds their own beleifs and they beleive it to be all fine and dandy. No two people will ever think 100% alike, different religions and this and that will always clash. And yes Dawn’s story is sad. But this is the common America and things close to those occurances are not out of the ordinary…and yes its a terrible realization, but it is the truth. People are too wrapped in themselves to do anything about anyone but themselves now a days, maybe thats the way it should be, maybe it isnt. I find if i take care of myself, i am the only person in the world i can rely on completely. People change and wars start and end, people die and tragedies arise. Things do happen must i say, some to the better of us. But with that i must be off. Goodbye and best wishes Dawn.
Jessica
Beating of Womens are Illegal in Islam…The right which are given by Islam to Women nothing given by any body. Beating of women is an individual act in any society , it is not specifically to muslims . If you go around the world you will you will see it .In AMERICA and WEST below are some fact which is shame full behaviour against women.could you have any justification for the below acts:
1- It is common in Europe to live without marriage with Women and having children….Is it fair with women??? Once Men’s lust is full then they choose another women ….Niether Society and Govt have any help for them.
2-In west & America , Rape of women is very common . According to statistics in every one second one women rapped in USA….Is it fair with womens?? It is all done by Mens !! open minded men!!!
3-In every Night ,Millions of Womens provide sexual entertainment in Bars and Night clubs …It is just for Men”s Lust and entertainment……Just for the sake to earn some dollars to live your life…..Is it humanity???
YOU MISINTERPRETING ISLAMIC VALUES AND TEACHING …if anybody want to see real pictures pls visit :www.irf.net
Thanks .
Dear Nassrine: where on earth do these Christian women (you speak of live?) Not in America, lady. Any man who beats a woman for not bringing him a cup of water would find himself on the street. Maybe you watch too much television. One course in the worlds religious studies does not make you a religion-know-it-all. Sure we have women abuse in America. But that doesn’t mean it is acceptable practice. I don’t know any woman who would allow her husband to beat her with a stick and think that would be okay. Think!!
i hate when ppl use ploral ! i mean u ant say all musilms are monster, nor all christians are..
in each religion, race, nationalty we have good ppl and bad !
and “ruby on rails guy” i gather u live in saudi arabia, they are strict about gettin islam right that they get soo wrong !
like there is a verse in quran that says something like “u cant force anyone to a religion” and they are doing the exact opposite
anyway, i find women in islam are really cherished, and the way we dress is what make me belive that, cuz the woman body is very tempting to men, so protecting the women, islam ordered us to cover our body..
im not very religious my self, i dont wear all black and stuff, but i cant see u talkin about islam like this when u dont kno what are u talkin about
Interesting. Do a search on Google for ‘make female genetic differences’, and read some of the links. The very foundation of our behaviour – our genes – are so radically different. The way the two behave, what they go through in life, the way they experience life. Any attempt to show equality between genders is rendered totally irrelevant in the light of science. Oh, but you said, “in every way that matters”. I suppose science doesn’t matter.
I’m not saying women should be treated as second class, I’m saying that men and women should be considered totally differently and different rules and judgements drawn up about them. Islam gives women the upper hand above men in plenty of matters, like expecting financial support from their father, brother or husband.
The Big Bang was an event where all the energy and matter in this Universe was compressed into a single point in the form of energy. A huge explosion occured, causing the energy to be flung outward, some of it being converted into matter. This is how our universe was formed.
The Quran says, “Do not those who not believe not see that the heavens and the earth were joined together (as one unit of creation), before we clove them asunder? We made from water every living thing. Will they not then believe?” (21:30, Translation by A. Y. Ali)
Due to the Big Bang, the Universe is therefore expanding.
“And it is We Who have constructed the heaven with might, and verily, it is We Who are steadily expanding it.” (Quran, 51:47, Translation by A. Y. Ali)
There are many many verses that allude to scientific facts not discovered by humans until hundreds of years after the Quran’s revelation. Your theory that it was the work of a human being is therefore shattered. It is the only holy book that can prove itself scientifically to be from God, or Allah.
I have no idea where you think I was educated, but you must think I’m an idiot. That’s OK because the feeling is mutual. I cannot believe you actually said:
The fact that you think that a religion which makes women wholly dependent on men is OK merely because it is gracious enough to allow them to be dependent tells me that you and I are never going to agree.
The women I know would be highly insulted by your comments, and indeed I know several women whom I guarantee earn more money than you ever will in your lifetime. So you would be doing them a disservice if all they got was a measly little allowance from you.
John
…anyone relying on google search results and internet to hold his own in an argument is pathetic. oh please Asfand Yar Qazi, wontcha look up on wikipedia more information about the big bang? you just sound so allah damn intelligent when you talk about your internet search results!
it’s funny to see how religion is interpreted one way, and as soon as people see such interpretation as bad, it is reinterpreted. you think women and men act differently? that is only true to a certain extent and there are many other factors other than genetics. i suggest you try and look up your information from some place other than the internet.
If you read surah 4:34 together with the following surah 4:35, you’ll realise it’s actually ridiculous that people have taken “daraba” in surah 4:34 to mean “beat”. Surah 4:35 calls for an arbiter to be appointed if the twain doesn’t seem to be meeting each other in a marriage. Simply just think about it, if my husband whacked me into obedience, would there be a need for an arbiter? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5b2bPoppxY&feature=response_watch
I can explain why Muslim men have happily taken “daraba” to mean “beat”. It’s all about power. Whenever one group sees the opportunity to oppress another to its benefit, then the ugly side of human nature shows itself. There is absolutely nothing in the Quran about women covering themselves head to toe. What is said is for women AND men to dress modestly.
Hi, i’m not sure where you got your verse translated from but it’s incorrect, the correct translation of verses 4:34 is:
..But those (wives) from whom you fear arrogance-(first) advice them; (then if they persist) forsake them in bed; and finally strike them…
you also lef out the comment at bottom of Quran’s page to this verse:
AS A LAST RESORT. I IS UNLAWFUL TO TO STRIKE THE FACE OR CAUSE BODILY INJURY.
i feel this topic has been blown totally out of proportion to be honest, sometimes we need a slap on the hand to realise we are being silly, we all know us women can get abit out of hand with gossip, drama etc…
and dawn i am so sorry about your situation, i am muslim and i know this man is going against the laws of islam by what hes doing to you, it saddens me as people like him give us a bad name,
good luck
Nancy,
I find it peculiar that you take issue with the specific language surrounding how exactly men can beat their women, but don’t take any exception to this part:
The issue here is whether or not men truly have any sort of authority over women. They do not. I don’t care what your book tells you. I am a man. I am no better than you are. God did not make me any better than you. If anything, I am certain the opposite is true! YOU are better than ME.
Let’s be sure to also point out that I doubt you read the original manuscript of the Koran, in the original ancient language. So you, like me, are relying on someone’s translation and transliteration into another language. Therefore we cannot rely solely on the specific words, but must instead interpret the spirit of the ancient wording.
Furthermore, your logic is simply faulty. The rationale for your argument is that, “…sometimes we need a slap on the hand to realise we are being silly….” Really? I am able to tell people when they are being silly without touching them almost every day! Just as I am doing for you now! The only reason I would need to slap you would be if I was not able to convince you to change your mind with rational argument. Then the threat of physical injury will FORCE you to.
You see, we are dealing with the concept of persuasion, vs. force. No human has the right to force another human to think the way they do. Furthermore, you must think more broadly and consider the fact that individuals are not always able to convince one another to see things their way. For example, what if you are actually smarter and more educated than your husband? What if he is arguing something with you that goes against, say, the laws of physics, but you simply can not convince him because he is ignorant. He has the right to hit you to force his uneducated opinion on you? Yes, your arrogance that you think you know more than him gives him the right (by your translation) to strike you.
And by your own argument, do you suppose that Men are never silly? I can guarantee you that I am sometimes wrong, or silly. Does that mean that my wife, or my best friend, should physically intimidate or injure me to let me know? NO! And do you think your man is more perfect than me? Because as far as I know, all mortal men are equally fallible.
So, I suggest that you should really think about the point I am making here.
In summary, there is no place for physical punishment in any marriage, or any relationship. We can only have peace and happiness if we have a society ruled by law and rational argument. If you find yourself with people whom you cannot ever agree with, then you should have the right to seek out those with whom you do agree so that you can live in peace. Physical confrontation should be defensive, and always reserved for tyrants and those who wish to impose their will upon others.
John P. (Who would NEVER hit you.)
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