So, one of my favorite comedians, Kyle Cease, is having a course where they teach standup comedy to new and aspiring… um, comedians. Make no mistake about it, I NEVER want to be a comedian. Ever.
But I would like to go hang with Kyle and the rest of the folks and just experience what is going on there? Who knows? I might even do some stupid shit and give a few comedians some free material. One can never tell.
Anyway, Kyle asked people to answer a few questions so that he could choose to give one person a free pass to bootcamp. And I decided to answer just for fun! But since there are like 100+ entries (plus who knows if mine actually gets approved!) I figured I’d share my submission here for you guys to tell me how I did. :-)
Yeah! A Quiz! I love quizzes! Psych. I hate them. But for YOU, Iâ€™ll take one. So here goes:
* How would you get the most use out of the bootcamp?
I would use bootcamp the same way I used Marine Corps bootcamp. To bring great death and destruction on unsuspecting small nations!
Oh, waitâ€¦ How would I get the most USE OUT of bootcamp? Hmmm. Personally, Iâ€™d use it to make new friends. And perhaps learn how to be a better speaker, because God knows Iâ€™m not EVER going to be a stand up comedian! Iâ€™m just not that funnyâ€¦
* What would be the most you can do with the information you will learn?
The most I could do with it? Well, I could video tape every word of it, have them transcribed by underaged $.50 per hour workers in India. Post them to a public blog. Write an e-book about it, then spam 80 million inboxes asking them to download the information. After I get 1 Million downloads I can then publish an actual book and claim to have a book that was read OVER ONE MILLION TIMES! I can then get richer than I already am, and be a famous comedic genius. Bonus!
* What would be the way you would maximize your connections there?
Well, I would start out by having sex with all the women. Cause once you do that, youâ€™ve got em hooked. I would not have sex with the men. Well, maybe Louie Anderson. But thatâ€™s where I draw the line.
After the sex part, I guess I might ruthlessly beg people to follow me on Twitter @johnpoz, and on Facebook @johnpoz, and I might even invite a few folks to tag along with me and head over to the Playboy Mansion to hang with Hef.
But I think the Sex thing is the best way. Definitely.
* How would you use your new experience to make a lot of money?
I already have a lot of money. I donâ€™t need any more. :-) BUT, if you want to give me some, Iâ€™ll donate it to a worthy charity.
* How could you impact other people with this experience?
Well, donâ€™t forget about my best selling book! I mean, that alone is going to reach like 80 million people!
I suppose if you really wanted me to, I could also drive around and reenact the Charles Manson killings while telling jokes? But I mean, could you further define the word â€œimpactâ€?
* What would you do with the new 3 camera shoot tape you would get of yourself performing, after you were coached by the best?
Well, it depends. You know the chicks I was going to have sex with? Can we film that?
If not, then I would want to take the 3 camera crew OUT of the studioâ€¦ Go bar hopping with you, the crew, and the other students. Get everyone hammered drunk. And film the whole thing! THEN I would post it on my blog at OneMansBlog.com to entertain my mother, who reads my blog every single morning before she goes to work (true story).
* How would you make bootcamp apply to you having the most successful future possible?
Listen. What kind of a question is that? I already had sex with a bunch of hot chicksâ€¦ I wrote a best selling novelâ€¦ I made a viral videoâ€¦ Damn Kyle! You are a relentless slave driver!!! What more do you want from me?
Psyche. I love that about you man.