More than a decade ago I witnessed one of the manliest things I’ve ever seen. And it had nothing to do with guns, cars, or jumping out of planes. It was a test of willpower. Man against his inner nature. And Food.
The Guantlet Was Thrown Down
My buddy Terry doesn’t eat shit food. I mean, he doesn’t drink cokes, he doesn’t eat fried food, and you can’t get him near a McDonald’s. Ever. For decades.
Well, this made things challenging at work, because everyone would go to lunch and we’d have to pick some place where Terry could get something to eat. Not that he’s picky, but we couldn’t go to fast food joints – not that we really would anyway. We were making big money in the Internetz! So we lived it up at lunch.
Anyway, one day I told Terry that I’d pay him $100 if he would eat at a fast food joint of our choosing. And our buddy Rob offered up that he’d pay $100 to see that as well! Greg chimed in with an extra $20, and the pressure was on. BUT! Terry would have to eat every bite of whatever we bought him, at any place we took him!
Now, think of the most disgusting thing you can imagine eating, and then ask yourself if you could complete a full meal of it for $220. I couldn’t….
The Worst Thing We Could Think Of
Rob, Greg and I actually debated where we would take Terry. McDonald’s was high on the list, but it just wasn’t greasy enough. Taco Bell was an interesting choice, but we didn’t think it would really make Terry “run” for the border.
Eventually, Popeye’s chicken emerged as the clear leader. Everything they had was fried and battered! And for a person who hadn’t eaten anything fried in over a decade, it was really the only choice. Besides, we were trying to make him back out to save ourselves some serious cash.
Well, eventually the day came. And we carted Terry over to Popeye’s and ordered up an entire meal deal.
And then… some shit went down.
Like a Champ
Terry had no fear! Without hesitation, or a single word uttered, he tore into everything on the tray like a bloody animal!
UUUgghh! Look at that disgusting mess! I don’t mind fast food, but that just looks wretched.
Meanwhile, Greg enjoyed it WAY more than he should have. He loves to torture Terry…
Terry ate every single bite of it! The fries…
Even devoured the biscuits!
There was nothing left but a pile of gristle and bone.
I’ve seen a LOT of things in my day. But I’ve never before, or after, witnessed the kind of intestinal fortitude (literally and figuratively) it took to scarf down that big greasy meal and wash it down with a Pepsi! And to make matters worse, even though you know his insides must have been messed up – he stayed the entire workday without a single complaint.
That, my friends, is impressive…
And so, to the victor go the spoils!
Terry earned his money, and a place in the history books.