I was sitting around being lazy, and taking my sweet time to do it mind you, when I decided to check out some folks who do things a little quicker than me. In fact, I decided to find the fastest people I could, who were doing just about anything that people actually do fast!

So, we’ve got everything from talking to shooting to playing musical instruments! And I guarantee that no one out there reading this can beat these people at their game. Well, if you can let me know and I’ll come video you doing it! I’d love to be there with the records are broken.

Here is Bob Munden, who holds 18 World Records at gunslinging. You do NOT want to meet this guy in a dark alley.

Now, Jim Vonfeldt of Oregon and Howard Darby of Alberta might just have a little something to say to Bob. Though their times of .0275+ are slow compared to the .02 that Bob claims.

Now, thinking about having to go at it with one of these guys might leave your mouth dry. It’s OK, this little Japanese guy is gonna show you how to quench that thirst. He is the fastest drinker in the world!

Thirst quenched? Ok. How about some entertainment. Here’s Grammy nominated banjo player Todd Taylor.

But you say you’re not exactly into Banjo? You prefer a little rap? Daddy Freddy has got it covered.

With all of these records we’re breaking we’re gonna need someone to certify them! No problem, this little Japanese lady has got us covered.

Speaking of little Japanese folks. This guy can take his clothes off WAY faster than you. No matter how excited you are.

That performance definitely deserved some applause! So we’ve got the world’s fastest clapper to take car of that!

You know, we’ve seen a lot of people do some amazing stuff today. But just to demonstrate the amazing potential that some people are born with, here is a little 3 year old Chinese girl solving a Rubik’s cube in under 2 minutes. I couldn’t do that in 2 years!

Let’s wrap it up with what some men might think is a complete nightmare. Fran Capo, the fastest talking woman on Earth!

Related posts:

1. Cube World, for your Cube… World?
2. 7 Unusual Wonders of the World
3. Short Film: End of Ze World

I gotta admit, that old TV show CHiPS from the 1970s helped me fall in love with motorcycles. There was something really cool about the fact that they were chasing people down on two wheels. But really, we never saw Ponch or John do anything amazing on their motorcycles. It might have left one wondering how useful of a tool one of those big bikes actually is.

Well, this post should give you all the reason you’ll ever need NOT to run from a motorcycle cop. To say that these guys are well trained is an extreme understatement. Here now is a collection of police motorcycle competitions that demonstrate what it’s really like to be “one with the machine”.

Police Motorcycle Competiton Good Solo Run in Charleston, SC on July 21, 2007

Police Motorcycle Competiton Partner Run in Charleston, SC on July 21, 2007

Japanese Police demonstration at motorcycle meeting 2005

Portsmouth Police Motorcycle Rodeo – Four police officers spend the most time possible inside a 10 by 30 foot box.

Turkish Motorcycle Police Teams called The Dolphins

Oakland, CA Police Motorcycle Competition

Related posts:

1. Crazy Motorcycle Riding in India
2. Deer Jumps Motorcycle
3. Police Tasers Man For Not Signing Ticket

I was entertaining myself for hours this evening while perusing all of the crazy ways man has invented to move himself from point A to point B. After we mastered the most efficient methodology, apparently we turned our attention and energy towards also creating the most inefficient methods possible.

Why would we do this? Well, beyond the very basic primal need for horsepower… I’m guessing there was either a bet or a dare behind most of these creations. Either that, or they built em to attract the chicks!

Let’s kick this off with an 1,100 pound machine by Jake Lyall called the RIOT (Re-Invention Of The) wheel. Lyall’s monowheel is unusual because it does not use the rider’s weight to provide the reaction to the engine’s thrust on the wheel. Instead the rider is outside, and the reaction is given by a lead-weighted Honda 80cc 4-stroke scooter engine suspended from a central shaft, driving through a sprocket attached to the wheel spokes.
A separate 450-pound counterweight keeps the rider hovering above the ground at the front. Steering is done partly by precessing a 65-pound gyroscope to give yaw, and partly by the rider shifting his weight.

Next is the WL-16IV, for Waseda-Leg No.16 Refined IV, a walking chair developed in a Japanese university.

The McLean Monowheel is possibly the most famously impractical machines anyone ever created. I mean really, what is the point? (Other than the fact that it’s totally cool, and I want to ride it!)

Mojo Motorsports builds the 30 MPH Revolution. It’s available now for $1,000 including shipping… if you’re brave enough to ride it.

This “thing” is like a giant motorized baby buggy. If anyone has any info about it, please share. It would be awesome to see the plans…

The Frankenscooter was built with the purpose of being “…AS RATTY, UGLY AND FUNNY LOOKING AS POSSIBLE”. I think they succeeded.

The Timberjack Walking Machine is used in to fell lumber. As I understand it, it’s from a defunct division of John Deere. Wonder if I can pick one of these up on eBay?

The Hubo FX-1 was made by the Humanoid Robot Research Center of South Korea. The development concept is that the robot can walk naturally with carrying a person or a load of 100kg, so the lower body takes after legs of human and the upper body takes after a chair.

In case you ever felt your legs were getting too much exercise riding a bike the normal way, you can pick one of these up and pedal backwards.

The Mondo Spider was made by a group of Canadian artists: Jon Tippett, Charlie Brinson, and Alex Mossman. They all live in Vancouver, BC. You crazy Canadians! Eh?

Related posts:

1. Would You Take a Robotic Arm Ride?
2. The World’s Coolest Automated Ball Launcher for Dogs
3. Virtualization – VMs (Virtual Machines) are Really the Future

I’ve just got one question. After this kid gets going as fast as this weed-eater motor can power him… how does he stop?

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2. Harry Potter 5 The Order Of the Phoenix
3. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Movie Trailer

So, today my friend Bruce gave me a call and told me that Best Buy had a 42″ 1080p LCD HDTV on sale for $796.99. In fact, he had just come from our local Best Buy in Frisco, TX where they had 17 of them in stock. He said it looked pretty good, and recommended that I get one.

So, of course, I blew about 30 minutes looking at the Web site and eventually placed an order online for in-store pickup. Before doing so, you have to choose a local store and it checks availability. (Clearly I did this, and placed the order.)

Flash forward to this evening, when I finally get around to heading over to Best Buy to pick it up, and lo and behold – no TV!

I had taken my receipt with me to pick it up, but hadn’t checked my e-mails since I ordered. Luckily, thanks to Ian Clarke I had changed my personal e-mail over to G-mail and was able to check it from my Blackberry right in the store. It was at this point that I put all the pieces together…

After I checked stock and placed my order, BestBuy sent me three e-mails.

First they sent me an e-mail essentially saying “thanks for buying a new TV!”… and would you like some fries with that? The e-mail offers me:

• Installation
• Wall Mounts
• Cables
• Furniture
• TiVos
• DirectTV
• BlueRay Discs
• PS3 / Xbox
• Home audio systems

You can’t blame them for offering the upsell, but after I saw this I figured I’d ignore anything else than came through.

Next, they sent me an e-mail saying:

Thank you for shopping at Best Buy. We have received your order, and it will be processed as soon as possible.

Then about 30 minutes later they sent another email essentially stating… Oops! Sorry, you’re SOL! We actually don’t have that item in stock. HOWEVER, feel free to give us a call and if you still want it we’ll ship one to your house. More specifically their language was:

If you still want this product, call us toll-free at 1-888-BEST BUY (1-888-237-8289) to check product availability at a different store or to have the item shipped via free standard shipping. Please contact us within 8 days to choose one of these options. For faster service, tell us the order number when you contact us.

Now, I’m a little upset because I’m learning all of this while I’m standing in the store waiting to pick up my $800+ purchase. But I figure, “Oh well… they’ll ship it to me.”

So I call the phone number they tell me to call and speak with a BB representative who basically proceeds to tell me that they are out of stock in all the stores in my area (though this afternoon they were IN stock when I ordered), but the really good news is that they can’t ship it to me either!

Yeah, that’s right. The lady tells me that the system says that I don’t live “in the delivery area”. Of course, I’m 4.5 miles from the store, in the Dallas metroplex… but I guess that doesn’t matter.

So she cancels my order, because it can’t be fulfilled, and suggests that I try to reorder it from another department who can actually deliver it?!? And then I asked her who the heck that would be before she hangs up on me, and then she decides it is her.

So, she is going to bravely try to slip my order through the system, and she takes all of my information again, and then at the end of the process tells me that she’s sorry, but she can’t re-order the TV for me!

So, here I am. I wasted a couple of hours on this. Best Buy sold me a TV they didn’t have, then offered to deliver one to me, but apparently lied about that, and finally they cancelled my order with no plan to do anything about it. Worst of all, no one I spoke to seemed to give a shit.

I will never make another purchase from Best Buy online again, because you can’t be certain they aren’t lying to you about having the item in stock. At this point I feel like they just allowed all of this to happen so they could get me into the store, and maybe I’d go ahead and buy something else.

Related posts:

1. Abe’s of Maine High Pressure Post-Sale Tactics
2. Beware – Amazon.com Offers NO Price Protection!
3. Holiday Season Deal Watching Web Sites

I was perusing YouTube as a walk down Old Skool memory lane and decided to share some of my favorite Rap songs of all time. Yeah, that’s right. John P. loves rap music, so wacha gonna do? What? Don’t be a hater!

For all of you playas out there who loved the Yo! MTV Raps days, I’m gonna kick it for you old skool style – welcome to the new Yo! OMB Raps! With your host… Johnny P. This is a journey into sound.

Yeaaaah, boyyy!

Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg – Nuthin’ But A G Thang

First up we’ve gotta open with my boys Dre and Snoop Dogg. Nuthin but a G Thang is definitely one of the greatest classic of all time. It’s about the struggles of a wealthy white boy growing up in Manhattan and trying to find his way in the world of finance – NOT! Don’t make me bust a cap! Just watch the Dogg do his thang. Oh, and visit Dre’s Website.

DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince – Summertime

Now that Dre and Snoop got you all bow, wow, wound up, kick back with DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince (aka Will Smith) and relax cause it’s summertime.

House of Pain – Jump Around

Ahh, yeah. The original Irish (and Latvian) gangstas makin you bounce. I came to get down, I came to get down, so get out ya seat and Jump Around!

Slick Rick – Children’s Story

Slick Rick drops a little rhyme that you might not ought to share with the kiddies before bed time.

Public Enemy – Fight the Power

Flavor Flav was a freak then, and he’s a freak now. But it doesn’t really matter cuz you gotta fight the power! (Wait, I AM the power! Oh well… visit the Public Enemy website.)

Heavy D & The Boyz – Now That We Found Love

You done fightin? Well, for those of you who are lovers, not fighters, here’s Heavy D to tell you what time it is.

Kool Moe Dee – Wild Wild West

Damn, boyee! Kool Moe Dee isn’t even from Texas, but the boy is gonna hit the Wild Wild West anyway.

LL Cool J – Mama Said Knock You Out

Look, he may not want to do it. But since his mama said… his mama said… his mama said… LL Cool J is gonna have to knock you out! That’s because Ladies Love Cool James!

Beastie Boys – Sabotage

We could pretty much serve up anything by the Beasties because all they do is make gold records, but here is a classic because we need to Sabotage this article boyee! Oh, and go sabotage their Website while you’re at it.

Ice T- I’m Your Pusher

Yo. It’s time for me to pump up the volume. So for all you Law & Order fans out there, here’s what the original Ice-T was like before he became a cop on TV. Oh, visit the Website.

Kool Moe Dee – They Want Money

Too Short – Life is…..Too Short

Yeah, I also remember how it all began…

Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre – Who Am I (What’s My Name)

One more time with the Godfather of Rap. What’s his name? Snoop D to the O to the double D, G. Bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yeah, you better go and visit his Website today!

Rob Base and DJ EZ rock – It Takes Two

Right about now, you’re about to be possessed with the sounds of Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock!

Coolio- Gangster’s Paradise

If you don’t watch this video, you AND your homies might be lying in chalk! Now visit his Website.

Marky Mark & The Funky Bunch – Good Vibrations

Before Wahlberg decided to become a big shot movie star, he was making the chicks drool with his “good vibrations”. Word.

MC Hammer – Can’t Touch This

Yo! What you think? You know you can’t touch this! By the way, it’s Hammer time over on blogspot, and don’t forget to drop the Hammer on Twitter.

Kool Moe Dee – I Go to Work

Enough with all this playin. Now it’s time to go to work!

Vanilla Ice – Ice Ice Baby

I don’t care what you think about Robbie VanWinkle now, back in the day he was the shizzle! White boys can’t dance? Talk to the hand. And while you’re at it, visit his site, beeotch!

Eric B. & Rakim – Paid In Full

Eric B is going to wrap up this edition of Yo! OMB Raps because frankly I’m Paid in Full and I gots to get back to my jobby, job, job. If you DIGG this to the front page then ther’ll be a nuther edition. Othewise, I guess I’m outta luck fool!

Related posts:

1. It’s Time for Some Campaignin
2. Top 10 Weird Al Yankovic Videos
3. Sarah Palin’s Church Videos Show America in Flames?

Today I’ll be attending WordCamp Dallas, which Charles Stricklin and I jointly organized. We’ve got a whole line up of fantastic speakers including Matt Mullenweg, Jonathan Bailey, Cali Lewis and Neal Campbell, Liz Strauss, Lorelle VanFossen, Chris Smith, Aaron Brazell, Jacob Santos, and Mark Ghosh.

If you’re one of the WordCamp attendees and you happen to be sitting in the lecture hall reading along as I stand here on stage, well… deja vu! Otherwise, for my normal readers here comes a list of 45 Ways to Power Up Your Blog!

Incidentally, the actual video of this lecture is available here. It seems to now have some historical significance because of the introduction of Woopra in the last three minutes.

For the sake of keeping things organized, I’ll tackle these tips by category and also attempt to cram in as many links to additional resources for each tip as possible. If you happen to have a link to add to a particular tip please drop a comment below with the link and where it should go.

This post is by far the most comprehensive article I’ve assembled on blogging. It does make reference to a few of my previous posts, but much of this information is brand new. One other little warning… a lot of the tips presented below are only available to the stand-alone version of WordPress. If you are running a different blogging platform (I suggest you change it), or if you are on the free WordPress.com platform, you may have to seek alternatives.

Search Engine Optimization

Yes, It’s Still Important

To get us started, check out the article I wrote for Lorelle called Why Search Engine Optimization (SEO) is Still Important. The impetus for this article was the fact that so many WordPress themes were claiming to be SEO friendly, but so few people understand what that really entails.

I don’t trust most of the SEO information out there, but I do trust these links:

• Improving Search Engine Rankings
• Are You Missing Out By Not Practicing SEO Techniques?
• Matt Cutts on Whitehat SEO tips for Bloggers (Video)

Use English Naming Conventions for Images

“NOT a Hot Asian Chick!”

Every image on your site should be named exactly what it is – in English.

• So instead of “img0001.jpg” rename it to “Cute-Dog.jpg”.

Also, use the alt text for descriptions of all images, and Title element for all hyperlinks. These are legal ways to increase the keyword density of a page – but make sure you aren’t cheating! The descriptions must be accurate or you may incur the wrath of the Google anti-spam team!

Descriptive, Accurate Titles are Key

Article titles should be extremely direct, concise and keyword loaded. Fancy titles will not bring hoards of traffic, and even worse it will negatively impact Google search results since the title is heavily weighted in the algorithm.

• Bad Example: Break out the Weber and Impinge the Chickens!
• Should have been: McDonald’s Chicken Sandwiches are Mechanically Branded

Use TITLE Elements on Hypertext Links

Use the TITLE element on every single hypertext link on the site. The title will show up when a reader hovers the mouse over the link in most Web browsers for an added description, but the words will also be noticed by the search engines and contribute to higher search results.

Pick the Right Theme

Be very, very picky about your blog’s theme. Having a solid SEO underpinning is far, far, far more important than the eye candy. I have major criticisms for the vast majority of themes out there. My Rapid Access theme may not be the most attractive, but I get thousands of visitors each day from search engines – and a lot of people tell me they wish they could get more search traffic.

You definitely don’t have to use my theme, but at least read through the features when you’re evaluating another one and pick one with as many of the features as possible.

• Rapid Access Theme

Your Web Host Affects Your Traffic

Purchase a faster server. No shared hosting! At least a VPS or dedicated server. Search rankings are affected by site performance, especially server downtime. And sites like StumbleUpon, which can deliver significant traffic, will stop sending it altogether if the server is unresponsive for even a very short time.

Bottom line is that if you’re serious about building a large following you need to either invest in a little infrastructure, or go with a completely hosted blog like WordPress.com.

• Incidentally, Layered Tech’s Virtual Private Servers run on The Grid, powered by 3Tera, and offer complete physical redundancy for about $50 per month. There is not another provider on the planet that can say that!
• If you send me an e-mail and tell me you heard about it here I’ll make sure you get a special deal on a Grid-based VPS.

Host Your Own Images

Serve photos off of your own server, or lose the google image traffic to Flickr (or wherever the photos are). I realize that image hosting can bog down your Web server, so get a faster server (see this tip in the SEO area too)!

Use a Sitemap

A sitemap is like a table of contents for your blog. It helps search engines find every single post you’ve got, but they would take a long time to generate if you had to do it by hand. Luckily the Google XML Sitemaps plugin takes care of this issue automatically.

• Get the Google (XML) Sitemaps Generator for WordPress

Usability Tips

Most of these tips are adapted from Jacob Neilsen’s Top 10 Weblog Design Mistakes article.

Author Biographies

Unless you’re a business blog, you probably don’t need a full-fledged “about us” section the way a corporate site does. That said, the basic rationale for “about us” translates directly into the need for an “about me” page on a weblog: users want to know who they’re dealing with.

It’s a simple matter of trust. Anonymous writings have less credence than something that’s signed. And, unless a person’s extraordinarily famous, it’s not enough to simply say that Joe Blogger writes the content. Readers want to know more about Joe.

Author Photos

Even weblogs that provide author bios often omit the author photo. A photo is important for two reasons:

• It offers a more personable impression of the author. You enhance your credibility by the simple fact that you’re not trying to hide. Also, users relate more easily to somebody they’ve seen.
• It connects the virtual and physical worlds. People who’ve met you before will recognize your photo, and people who’ve read your site will recognize you when you meet in person (say, at a conference — or the company cafeteria if you’re an intranet blogger).

A huge percentage of the human brain is dedicated to remembering and recognizing faces. For many, faces work better than names.

Links Should Say Where They Go

Many weblog authors seem to think it’s cool to write link anchors like: “some people think” or “there’s more here and here.” Remember one of the basics of the Web: Life is too short to click on an unknown.

Tell people where they’re going and what they’ll find at the other end of the link. Generally, you should provide predictive information in either the anchor text itself or the immediately surrounding words. You can also use link titles for supplementary information that doesn’t fit with your content. (To see a link title in action, mouse over the “link titles” link.)

A related mistake in this category is to use insider shorthand, such as using first names when you reference other writers or weblogs. Unless you’re writing only for your friends, don’t alienate new visitors by appearing to be part of a closed clique. The Web is not high school.

Showcase Top Articles

Hopefully, you’ll write some pieces with lasting value for readers outside your fan base. Don’t relegate such classics to the archives, where people can only find something if they know you posted it, say, in May 2003.

If you notice, I’ve showcased some of my more popular posts in the footer of this blog. Other people use the sidebar. And some people use a widget from a service like SpotPlex which dynamically lists the most popular content.

You Need Your Own Domain Name

Having a weblog address ending in wordpress.com, blogspot.com, typepad.com, etc. will ultimately limit your options, and make businesses appear unprofessional.

Letting somebody else own your name means that they own your destiny on the Internet. And the longer you stay at someone else’s domain name, the higher the cost of going independent. It only costs $10-15 per year to get your personal domain name and own your own future.

As soon as you realize you’re serious about blogging, move it away from a domain name that’s controlled by somebody else. The longer you delay, the more pain you’ll feel when you finally make the move.

Content Authoring

Track, Test, and Respond

You must use a detailed statistics tracking service, preferably one that gives instant feedback, and watch which articles are getting the most traffic. You’ll learn which ones are most appealing and it should help you figure out why. You can do a lot with that information like putting targeted advertising on those pages, writing more articles like that one and linking to them, etc.
I recommend the following services:

• MyBlogLog – my personal primary stats tracker due to it’s simplicity and performance.
• Performancing P-Metrics – my backup that I turn to for much more detailed information.
• Google Analytics – offers some additional tools for ad tracking and is free, but only updates daily.

Check Your Topic Digg-ability

Dan Zarrella has created a fantastic tool, called the Link Attraction Factors Keyword Tool, to estimate the effectiveness of a given topic towards attracting social media. He has also made available a WordPress plugin to integrate the tool directly into your blogs authoring page.

So for example, when it comes to the 2008 election, the candidates names in titles stack up as follows:

• Hillary Clinton: 89.58 (29.96%) more links than the average.
• Barack Obama: -6.5 (-2.17%) less links than the average
• Ron Paul: -27.5 (-9.2%) less links than the average
• Dennis Kucinich: -43.33 (-14.49%) less links than the average
• John McCain: -89 (-29.77%) less links than the average

So and article about Hillary that goes popular on Digg would be most likely to get links, while John McCain clearly bores everyone to tears.

Write Authoritative Content

I believe in really researching things and making content information rich. Just getting keywords in the content won’t do any good if the search engine bounce rate ends up being 90%+. People won’t stick around long enough to read any of your other articles – so make sure you ask yourself this question every single time you publish something:

If this was the first article I ever read on this site, would I come back for more?

Review Everything

Do complete and thorough reviews of products you like or dislike. Then put Amazon links on the page. This does three things:

• Helps people who are looking for reviews before they purchase.
• Gives you something to write about.
• Actually earns some cash from Amazon affiliate links. (I made over $1k last year from only 5 or so articles with Amazon links.)

Always Include At Least One Image

“Yeah! A Hot Asian Chick!”

I recommend including an image at the beginning of every single post to help set the theme of the article. In my blog I generally include thumbnail sized images which link to larger versions, and I like to alternate floating them to one side or the other of my content. Another alternative example of image use can be found on WebUrbanist.com where the author’s strategy is to use one large image, or a combination of smaller images, that precedes the content area.

• Anthony Baggett did a nice post on How to Position Images.
• Digg now allows images in posts to be attached, and it helps!

Be Creative!

Yeah, it’s easier said than done isn’t it? I wrote an article called 16 Tips for Blog Idea Brainstorming a while back that still applies. But the key theme here is that it doesn’t really pay to write about the same old things everyone else is covering.

There are already a million articles on the iPhone, does the world really need one more? How much attention do you really think your article is going to command when you have to compete with TechCrunch? Instead, focus on things you know and try to tell a little story with your post. Keep it concise, but work in some humor, philosophy and facts. The blogosphere will thank you for original content.

Related posts:

1. One Man’s Blog 1 Year Anniversary!
2. Should I Allow Comments on This Blog?
3. WordCamp Dallas 2008: John Pozadzides’ 45 Ways to Power Up Your Blog

I have to start this article out with a story. I was talking to a young guy, who shall go un-named, and he was relating the tale of a date he went on with a girl he really liked. He was smitten with her, but unsure as to whether the feeling was mutual. The story went something like this:

One of my friends introduced us at a party last week. After e-mailing back and forth a few times we decided to meet at a bar after work. When I arrived, she was waiting for me and asked if we should go to the bar or get a table? I figured it would be quicker to go to the bar so we did. She had a Coke, and I got a beer.

After we hung out at the bar for about 30 minutes she mentioned that she was hungry, and there was a Subway nearby so I suggested we go grab a sandwich. She thought that sounded great, so we met over there and ate and chatted for about an hour. This chick was awesome! She even paid for my beer at the bar, and picked up her own dinner at Subway! She’s supposed to e-mail me about going out this weekend.

My dear, cheap-ass friend. Trust me, she’s not interested. Young guys always make the mistake of thinking that just because a lady is laid back and seems to enjoy hanging out, that it means she’s actually content. No, my little naive buddy. Every woman – without exception – enjoys being treated specially, so you must make a concerted effort to romance them.

Here are 14 tips on how to be romantic. HINT: Meeting a girl at Subway to watch her eat a sandwich she paid for is not on the list!

Ground Rules

First, the basic rules. These are the things that your Grandfather would have done for your Grandmother (if he had any class whatsoever), and they apply no matter if this is your first date, or you’ve been married for 50 years.

• You must always offer to pick her up.

  Go out of your way to let her know that, not only is it not a problem, but you’d really enjoy having her company for the drive. The only way you should not be picking her up is if you barely know one another and she might be more comfortable meeting you somewhere public.

• Open every single door for her.

  Buildings, cars… whatever. When opening the car door present your hand to help her out. See, you already get to touch her!

• Pay for as much as you can.

  Don’t suggest a restaurant where you can’t afford the tab! Don’t go drinking if you can’t tip the bartender! And unless she absolutely insists on contributing – don’t let her. Oh, and if she does pay, find a reason to stop for ice cream, or flowers, and insist on paying. Tell her you had the money set aside for tonight, and you intend to spend it!

• Dress nice.

  No matter how long you’ve been together, women don’t want to be seen with a slob. How you look always matters – no matter what anyone ever says. Ever.

I’ll make a huge assumption that you’ve got those bases covered, and now we’ll move on to my patented Cyrano de Bergerac-like Romance tips. Enjoy. Or better yet, make sure she does!

14 Ways Geeks Can be Romantic

1. Be extravagant occasionally.

   People say “be spontaneous”, but thats a load of crap. You must combine spontaneity, with extravagance! It’s not good enough to just be spontaneous. An unexpected kiss is spontaneous, but not remarkable. An unexpected bouquet arriving at the office, for no particular reason, is truly memorable.

2. Shower her with gifts.

   Seems obvious right? But it’s not. Chocolate and flowers will only work for so long. And lets face it, lingerie is mostly for you. What you need to do is think of things that she would really enjoy. Examples: exotic bubble bath, a silky soft robe, delicate earrings, etc. Take her to the mall and shop with her and listen for hints. Come back later and buy them when she thinks you’ve forgotten!

3. Touch her… not there, you idiot!

   Women already know that men generally have only one thing on their mind. Show her you care by running your fingers through her hair, softly touching her cheek or rubbing her shoulders.

4. Cook for her.

   And don’t give me any crap about “I can’t cook!” You don’t think other guys were born with a spatula in their hand do you? It takes practice. So find out what her favorite dish is, find a recipe, and make it until you can make it well. Then make it for her! Oh, and be sure it is something you can serve with wine or Champagne.

5. Take her somewhere – but make it a surprise.

   Personally I’ve gone so far as to pre-arrange a surprise vacation with my wife’s boss at work. She didn’t even know I’d done it, but I came to pick her up for lunch, and drove her to the airport and hopped on a plane. If your budget doesn’t allow this, take her to a local park, the place you met, or somewhere else special.

6. Send her to the spa for a day with her girlfriend.

   It’s going to cost you about $200 for her to get 2-3 treatments (plus another $200 for her girlfriend if you pick up the tab – and you better), but after manicures, pedicures, facials and massages, those ladies will be in a great mood! Combine with number 5 and you’ll be a God!

7. Try to pay her at least one compliment a day.

   Praise her in front of people. If you have children, tell them “You have a great mom. She is so beautiful, or talented, or such a great cook, etc…”

8. Buy her edible undies.

   If your lady has a great sense of humor buy her candy underwear. According to the manufacturer it’s “Sweet & Sexy”, and “made of approximately 330 fruit-flavored candy pieces, and has just 60 calories so don’t worry about it affecting the diet”.

9. Send her Love notes.

   But not via e-mail you geek! If they aren’t handwritten, they don’t count. Period. So, take your time, find some nice paper or blank cards, and write her a letter. Leave it somewhere she’ll find it when you aren’t around, and she’ll be happy all day until she sees you again.

10. Create a photo scrapbook for her.

    Look, if you haven’t invested in a quality digital camera yet, you better get one now! And start turning it in your lady’s direction. It’s a great way to make her the center of attention, and can be combined with number 8 quite handily. Then as a bonus you can go home and create a custom photo book using LuLu.com or Shutterfly.com.

11. Watch a chick flick with her.

    Here are 76 prime Chick-flicks. Pick out a few DVDs at blockbuster and present them to her for a quiet evening at home. While you’re at it, combine this one with number 5 above.

12. Slow dance to romantic music.

    In fact, make her a CD with the following songs, and dance to at least a couple of them when you give it to her:

• Right Here Waiting – Richard Marx
• Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman – Bryan Adams
• True Companion – Marc Cohn
• All I Want is You – U2
• You’re Beautiful – James Blunt
• Lady in Red – Chris DeBurgh
• Wonderful Tonight – Eric Clapton
• Wicked Game – Chris Isaac
• No Ordinary Love – Sade
• Sexual Healing – Marvin Gaye
• Cant Get Enough Of Your Love, Babe – Barry White
• In Your Eyes – Peter Gabriel
• Fields of Gold – Sting
• You’re The First, The Last, My Everything – Barry White
• Hello – Lionel Richie
• Unforgettable – Nat King Cole
• Time After Time – Cyndi Lauper
• How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You – James Taylor

13. Take her to Hawaii and/or Santorini.

    Either one is going to cost you a fortune, so you’re going to have to save up for a while. But the bottom line is that every woman deserves to see these places – so you better be the man that takes them!

14. Write I love you on at least 100 post-it notes.

    When she’s away from home, put them all over the place. Make sure you hide some of them where they won’t be found for weeks, months, or even years. Jacket and pants pockets, every drawer in the house, purses, medicine cabinets, etc.

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Tom Barr shot me over a a link to a Gong Show video along with a suggestion to look into finding some old 70’s TV shows to share with those of us that were actually around back then, as well as a few of us that were not…

It amazes me how much of the old stuff you can actually find floating around the Intertubes. Who the heck is digitizing all this content? Anyway, I’m not going to complain. Below I’ve got clips from CHiPs, The Dukes of Hazzard, The Gong Show, Knight Rider, The Muppet Show and more. Enjoy!

The Gong Show

To kick things off, The Gong Show was the American Idol of it’s day. Contestants performed in front of a panel of celebrity judges who would either watch an entire act, or sound a big gong to stop the unbearable ones. Here is a little compendium of the hilarity (beware: there’s profanity at the end):

The Dukes of Hazzard

Now, the Gong Show might have been the worthless talent show of the decade, but one of the greatest TV shows around was the Dukes of Hazzard. It had it all… car chases, moonshine running, and Daisy’s hot ass hanging out of her shorts. (Did you see the General Lee race the Gran Torino?)

Knight Rider

Speaking of cool cars, let’s not forget about Kit from Knight Rider. I wanted a Trans Am with digital instrument cluster so bad when I was a kid that it hurt. (Don’t forget the Knight Rider Theme Song – Beatbox Edition.)

CHiPs

Oh, and we had more than cars on TV. Don’t forget Ponch and John’s Harley Davidson motorcycles from CHiPs! Here is a montage from the very first episode of the TV show.

The Muppet Show

We also had some great shows for kids. For example, Jim Henson’s Muppet Show was such a great show that adults loved it as much as kids! Here is a classic episode featuring comedic genius Peter Sellers (of Pink Panther fame).

Compilations of 70’s TV Shows

And to wrap things up, here are two little compilations of other TV shows and movies from the 1970’s:

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Ahh, Ping Pong. The sport that people like to make fun of and take for granted until they are on the end of a serious ass-whooping.

My buddy Greg was the champ back in my old days at SAVVIS (though I’m sure Dave would take exception to that statement), and he used to routinely put the beat down on me. Now, it didn’t really bother me so bad that he was beating me – except for when he did it with his left hand! Or, when he played me on his knees the entire game. Oh yeah, and then there was the time he crushed me while holding the table with one hand the entire game! Dammit!

Anyway, I’m just happy to know that as bad as Greg made me look, there are a lot of people out there that could do the same to him. And here is a whole collection of Ping Pong pros who would absolutely crush you – no matter who you are!

This first one was absolutely awesome! These guys seemed to just improvise a coordinated display of accuracy that brought the house down. The funny thing is that the refs seems to be blowing their whistles repeatedly in the background as if they are trying to get them to stop. Yeah, whatever.

I’ve got one word for you with this next one – “cartwheel”. Oh, and is that Jackie Chan at the end?

Here is a Top 10 compilation of incredible plays.

Here is another compilation of top Ping Pong shots from 2006.

Finally, here is a summary of a great match between Chila & Hakansson. It demonstrates how the lead flip-flops when two great ones go at it.

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Ok folks… what I’m going to expose you to today can either be considered some of the greatest, or most heinous videos ever created! And yes, they come from our favorite little Pacific island nation, Japan!

Only in Japan could you take something as serious as education and turn it into television shows full of scantily dressed women acting out scenes including diarrhea; and then follow that up with people being beaten for laughing when someone else’s English lessons don’t go so well.

First, let’s learn how to call an ambulance, and tell them we have diarrhea!

Next, you never know when you’re going to need to comment on the lovely golf weather.

Now, you may think this is funny, but I assure you it’s not! Just watch this next one to see how seriously the Japanese take their English instruction.

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I’m a dog lover. I’ve got two fantastic little girls myself (that’s them in the photo), Sandy and Lexi. And although we love them like they were our own children, they’ve certainly never done anything to garner the type of attention that the dogs in the following videos have.

We’ve got everything from a dog that walks on two legs, to one that rides a skateboard… a dog that dances like John Travolta, and one that attacks on command. Take a look at these animals and you’ll have to admit they are even more talented than most children!

Tillman the skateboarding bulldog:

Simon the Jack Terrier exacts his revenge on 74 evil latex orbs in a mere 57 seconds!

Skidboot, the smartest working dog anywhere.

Faith the 2 legged dog. I’ve written about Faith once before.

Rookie the dancing golden retriever. I’ve also blogged about Rookie once before.

Here is Maggie the mathematical genius.

Finally, here is a whole troupe of jump-roping Japanese dogs.

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An anonymous reader sent me a link to this first video, and it was pretty funny. As usual I latched on to the theme and entertained myself for hours with silly videos of people wiping out on the dance floor. So I present for your amusement the best of the dancing mishap videos I came across. If anyone has more to add please drop a link in the comments.

Oh, and I didn’t put up videos where people actually got seriously injured or died. Yes, I came across at least 2 fatal dancing injuries. How’d you like to have that on your headstone?

Hey kid! Watch out! Uh… too late.

What’s up with all these kids getting obliterated on the dance floor?

Mental note. Don’t pole dance after 15 beers.

Oh, and it happens to the stars too. Mario Lopez drops Karina Smirnoff right on the head.

This one clearly demonstrates why white people should not dance.

Apparently this is why they call it “Break Dancing”.

Finally, this guy had a nasty spill on a dancing show in the UK I’m guessing. I can’t even bear to watch this one…

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Ok. I’ve got a question for everyone. At what point does female bodybuilding reach the peak of the “sexy” plateau and begin going back downhill from there?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of healthy female bodies (like the “fitness trend” towards pole dancing), but at some point it seems to me these ladies (generously assuming they are all ladies) cross a threshold and simply no longer look good.

I guess the real question is, at what point are these women no longer “hot”?

Say hello to Aki Nishimoto – 3 time Miss Japan. She is incredibly toned and lean, and also has a deep fake tan. How’s this looking to you guys? Oh, and she’s a former Karate competitors, so she can kick your ass!

Now this next anonymous lady redefines the word ‘lean’. This woman’s abs have giant veins running throughout, and you can see the striation in her muscles. Now, I appreciate all the hard work, but someone please take this woman out for some BBQ and fatten her up!

Here is Fawnia Mondey doing a little workout. She’s very defined, though not completely ripped like the previous two, and not as swollen up as the following ladies. If you ask me, she’s just about perfect. Not too lean, not too hefty.

Not sure who this woman is, but she’s got some guns on her, that’s for sure! In my opinion, like Fawnia, she is just about perfectly developed.

There is no doubt that Christiane Lamy here is in fantastic shape. But as you can see, she’s a little meatier than the previous ladies. Notice also that the fake boobs are beginning to pop up. This is a relatively recent trend, but is it still hot? Especially when they look like oranges caught under a piece of spandex?

Amy Pazzo is big. She’s by no means the biggest, but she’s definitely getting on up there. So, how many of you are still hanging in there thinking this is sexy?

Here is Sophie Duquette. Now, I don’t want to be insulting, but is she really a woman? I mean at some point these ladies get so big that if they don’t have extremely feminine facial features you begin to question whether they are transgendered men. Is this still Hot?

Ok. We’re gonna stop after this next one. I believe this is Dianne Solomons, and I don’t want to make any comments lest she hunt me down and squash me like a grape!

To wrap things up, I think we know where Jim Carrey stands on the subject of female bodybuilding…

Now that you’ve wasted like half an hour of your life, how about spending another 30 seconds to share your opinion on where the line between beauty and beast should be drawn? Drop me a comment and let me know…

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The other day I was watching the local news and I saw a reporter have a funny little blooper that sidetracked them. I wasn’t recording it or anything, but I later checked YouTube to see if anyone else got it so I could share it. Well, I couldn’t find that one, but boy did I hit the motherload!

So, here are the best news bloopers clips I could find (at least half an hours worth of entertainment). Get some Kleenex, because I was laughing so hard I cried on some of these.

This first one is the longest compilation at a little over 8 minutes. There are good ones sprinkled all throughout, but watch for the one near the end where a lady is reporting on “the rise in violence” in a neighborhood… It’s classic.

In this one, the robotic camera takes it’s revenge!

Watch for the dismount…

Nothing but game shows!

Crotch shots galore.

Keep an eye out for the pie to the face reaction.

Watch for the reaction of the people in the studio to the reporter whose camera falls over on it’s side. Extremely quick thinking there…

Here is a little compilation of 10 and one of the very last ones brought tears to my eyes. You’ll know which one when you see the snow truck!

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Nothing draws attention to a receding hairline like a mohawk. But if that sounds bad, you ain’t seen nothing.

I was perusing the Internet tubes, as I often do, when I came across a photo of someone with what I imagined must be the worst haircut in history. It made me wonder why the hell anyone would wantonly sport such a hair style!

As I’m often prone to exploration on a particular topic I decided to spend the day seeking out the worst hair days I could find. And wow! I just want to know… where are these people’s friends?

Finally, here is a little gift with purchase. This kid’s expression is just classic:

Still not enough for you? Phat Phree ran an article a while back called The 50 Worst Hairstyles of All Time. Most pale in comparison to the ones above, but its still amusing since it’s full of bad celebrity haircuts.

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Believe me – leaders are made, not born. And this is good news for anyone that truly wants to improve their leadership skills.

If you want to step up to the plate and help shape the future at work, in an organization, as a teacher or anywhere else, you need to master the 10 traits I’ve listed right here. I should state that this is not some list I’ve regurgitated from elsewhere. This is my own personal list that I’ve lived by my entire career.

Do they work? Well, given the fact that I’d attribute all of my past successes to the teams I’ve led, I’d say so. But perhaps if we’re lucky a few of my old employees will stop by and let us know.

Now you’re going to see things on lists of leadership characteristics such as “have confidence”, “great communication skills”, “empathy” and other traits that can generally be stated to be desirable in all people regardless of if they are in leadership positions.

However, I want to cut to the chase and focus on the ones that are most applicable specifically to people in leadership roles. You take care of these, and the business will take care of it’s self.

• Make decisions that are sometimes unpopular. You’re in charge. You’re going to have access to information other people aren’t privy to. Sometimes you have to act on that even if you think it’s going to be less than popular. That’s life. Suck it up and do what you know has to be done.
• Lead from the front. My rule number 1: never ask your people to do something you won’t do yourself! A leader has to be willing to roll up the sleeves and get your hands dirty with the troops. Otherwise you’re just a boss.
• Teach and Mentor. There is no way you can earn respect if you don’t share some wisdom and information with your team. Make it your goal to teach people everything you know. And make sure you are always pushing yourself to learn more.
• Empower people. I promise you this… if you make everyone run every decision past you, you will be a massive failure. Give people a little room to make decisions, and let them earn more responsibility over time.
• Hold people accountable. Accountability goes hand in hand with all of these other traits. If you are going to be good to your people, train them, mentor them, lead by example, and establish a vision, you must hold them accountable for their performance. That is part of being a team player.
• Develop an inclusive vision. People will only follow a vision that is good for the company if they think it’s also good for themselves. So any good strategy includes everyone in the vision.
• Demonstrate honesty and integrity. Don’t ever lie. Make it an edict and live with it. If you can’t tell the truth for a good reason then abstain. But don’t ever lie. Oh, and if you make a promise – live up to it.
• Have conviction. Do you believe in your product, service, plan, strategy, etc.? If you are not absolute convinced, don’t expect anyone else to be. Instead, work to refine the vision until the argument is absolutely convinced. Conviction is merely a demonstration of the amount of faith a person has.
• Be flexible. There are times when it’s appropriate to demonstrate conviction, such as on matters of principle. But 90% of the time it’s important to keep an open mind and watch for opportunities to do things better, faster, or cheaper.
• Motivate and Inspire. Remember, a great way to motivate and inspire people is to blend realism with optimism. It’s important to demonstrate that you have an accurate assessment of the situation, and that despite that you are optimistic for the future. Optimism is contagious.

As a final thought, remember that people follow answers. You can be a nice guy who tells everyone all about the situation they are in, but unless you discover, inspire or demonstrate how to change things you have not really earned the title of leader – even if you are a manager.

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Humans have been taking part in sporting events for thousands of years, and now we’ve got ESPN to broadcast them 24 hours a day! However, you aren’t going to see these gems on TV even if you’re watching at 2am.

We’ve got a little of everything here from Camel Wrestling to Bog Snorkelling and Cheese Rolling to Ladder Racing. And if anyone knows of other insane sports to add please drop a comment below. Now, on with the madness!

Ladder Racing:

Screw the ladder truck. I want THESE guys as firemen!

4WD Sand Dune Climbing:

Ok. That’s just not possible.

Chess Boxing

I’ve got an idea… let’s take something extremely cerebral like chess and combine it with skull cracking boxing!

Wife Carrying

Hey, I’m 6′1″ and my wife is 4′ 10″. We’ve actually got a shot at this one!

Cheese Rolling

It’s not what you think! Drunken idiots throwing themselves down a hill! I can hear the bones crunching now.

Camel Wrestling

All right. I guess if you live in the desert with nothing better to do…

CycloCross

I hope these guys are wearing a cup. That metal bar is way too close to the family jewels to be doing these things on bikes.

Tow-in Surfing

I’ve seen surfing before, but never on waves so big you need a jet ski to pull you up to speed for. These guys are insane, and the guy in this video got caught in a real live Tsunami.

Free Soloing

People partaking of this sport are truly insane. As proof Dan Osman, the guy in this video, later lost his life doing this.

Bog Snorkelling

Even the dog didn’t want to swim in this crap.

When you’re done with these, mosey on over to WebUrbanist and check out the Extreme Urban Sports Videos! More insanity awaits.

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Cirque du Soleil is, without a doubt the most amazing circus on the planet. They find the most incredible performers on earth and assemble them on stage for shows that literally defy description and leave audiences gasping and begging for more.

I’ve seen a number of Cirque du Soleil shows in Las Vegas as well as in various cities when they travel. The bad news is that tickets normally run around $100 per person, and you have to buy them well in advance to get great seats. The good news is, you’ll never see anything cooler in your life, so the shows are worth every penny they charge. The even better news is that I’ve assembled 13 great acts here for you to see without having to pay to do it!

This clip is from Cirque Du Soleil’s 25th Anniversary

This is insane! This guy is literally risking DEATH with every performance! If anyone knows his name, or more specific info about this clip please share!

Elena Lev’s hula hoops show from Alegria

These types of contortions hurt just to watch, so how can she be simultaneously working a hula hoop? Reminds me of Kristina Kireeva the sexy contortionist.

The Water Ballet from the IMAX film Journey of Man

How impossible is this? Well, can YOU swim backwards?

The Wheel of Death from Ka

If just one guy risking life and limb isn’t enough, here are 5 of them doing it simultaneously!

The Cyr Wheel Act from Corteo

How do these people not break their fingers? And why aren’t they throwing up all over the stage?

Alegria’s Aerial High Bar Act

No circus is complete without the trapeze artists!

The Statue Act of Yves Décoste and Marie-Laure Mesnage from Journey of Man

Simply incredible feats of strength, balance and endurance.

Corteo’s Juggling Act

Every circus needs jugglers.

Olga Pikhienko Handbalancing on Canes from Varekai

This woman must be half-feline.

The Russian Bars Act from Alegria

“Ok. What we want you to do see… is get a couple of guys to hold a pole on their shoulders, then we want you to climb up on the middle of it and do backflips. That shouldn’t be a problem right?”

The Jump Rope act from Quidam

Only Cirque du Soleil could take something as mundane as jumping rope and make it exciting.

The Fire Juggler from Alegria

I’ve seen some fire juggling in Hawaii, but never like this…

The Ladder Act from Corteo

Most people don’t even want to climb up a ladder, much less dance all over stage and do stunts on one. This is insane!

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I scoured the Internet tubes for an entire day just to assemble this collection of fantastic billboards. They are from all over the place, and it wasn’t until after I assembled them that I realized I didn’t keep track of where most originated (if anyone knew in the first place). So sorry about that.

Anyway, for Thursday the 13th here is a crop of 13 freshly prepared humorous, cool and witty billboards. (Hmmm… Humorous. Cool. Witty. Remind you of anyone?) So, enjoy the fruits of my cheap Greek-American labor. Oh, and Warning: This article is Not kid safe!

Damn this was an expensive billboard. But I guess it’s worth it if people stop to pose for photos by it.

Ouch. This billboard comes with biting satire at no extra charge.

I don’t know if this is real, but it is hilarious!

Would you like a side of irony with that order?

I don’t want to be the guy that had to install this billboard.

Strippers vs. Church – Photo by ktbugs23

Paul Stamatiou caught this defaced Starbucks billboard. (Paul, you weren’t documenting your own handiwork were you? :-))

I didn’t know that sex precluded one from becoming an engineer. But that explains a lot…

Well, they aren’t pulling any punches with this one are they?

I’ve got to say, this is a completely lame billboard to start with.

Pure Genius.

Must have been the same ad team as the knives above. Simply genius.

Notice, this ad is for the Special Forces. Do you see where the brochures are located?

Edit 9/13: Here are a couple more sent over by Johny…

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