One Man's Blog » Jokes

Mozart’s Final Resting Place

John P. — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 07:35:46 +0000

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the town magistrate to come and listen to it.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, “Ah, yes, that’s Mozart’s Ninth Symphony, being played backwards.”

He listened a while longer, and said, “There’s the Eighth Symphony, and it’s backwards, too. Most puzzling.”

So the magistrate kept listening; “There’s the Seventh… the Sixth… the Fifth…”

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, “My fellow citizens, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s just Mozart decomposing.

The Secret to a Long Life

John P. — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 19:40:42 +0000

A doctor on his morning walk, noticed an older lady sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, “I couldn’t help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?”

“I smoke ten cigars a day,” she said. “Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and don’t exercise at all.”

“That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?”

“Thirty-four,” she replied.

The Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes

John P. — Wed, 20 May 2009 16:37:35 +0000

Ok, we’re going to start a whole new category here on OMB. I haven’t added any categories in a long time, but I just realized that I’ve got no jokes on my blog! That is inconceivable! Anyway, here is the inaugural joke. Sent to me by my dad, and previously sent to him by a friend. Enjoy! And if you’ve got any good ones to share please send them to me and I’ll post the best!

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

‘What does it look like?’ she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, ‘It’s square and it has your picture on it.’

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. ‘Here it is,’ she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, ‘OK, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop.’

I sure wish Colby Jones would illustrate this one for us! It would be awesome!

Oh, and the Daily News in Australia has a great article with the Top 50 Dumb Blonde Celebrity Quotes. Priceless.