Prison Joke

A new convict arrives in prison, and he’s sitting in his cell with his new cell mate. Suddenly someone yells “243″ and the whole cellblock starts laughing. A little while later someone yells, “23″ and again everyone starts laughing. This happens every day between 2pm and 3pm.

The new guy has no idea what is going on, so he asks his cell mate, “what’s so funny”? The cell mate goes on to explain, “There is only one book in the prison, and it’s a joke book. We’ve all read it so many times that we’ve memorized the jokes. So now, we only have to hear the numbers.”

So, the new guy goes to the library and studies the book. After a couple of weeks he’s ready… Two o’clock rolls around and someone yells, “119″. The whole cellblock erupts in laughter. The new guy yells “198″. There is dead silence.

He asks his cell mate what happened? The cell mate replies, “Some people can tell a joke, and some people can’t.”

New Yorkers Ignore Dying Man on Sidewalk for Over an Hour

What you are going to see here is seriously pathetic. It’s hard to watch this video and not be angry at basically everyone in New York. But keep in mind that people in just about every really large city are equally guilty of the same sort of apathy, so I hope this serves as a wakeup call.

According to the New York Post, Hugo Alfredo Tale-Yax was coming to the aid of a woman involved in some sort of an altercation when he was fatally stabbed in the chest several times. He then collapsed on the sidewalk where over the next hour and a half he bled to death while 25 people walked by – none of whom bothered to call emergency services!

Of course my first question is, where the hell is the woman who Hugo saved? She saw him get stabbed in the chest a few times and then just left? I hope she rots in hell…
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O.J. Goes to Jail for 9+ Years on Las Vegas Robbery Charges

OJ Simpson in JailSo, the big news of the day – deserving or not – is that OJ is going to jail. No, not for the murder of Nicole and Ron 14 years ago, but this time for a robbery conviction in Las Vegas on last Friday.

The LA Times reported:

Reporting from Los Angeles and Las Vegas — Brushing aside a tearful apology from O.J. Simpson, a Las Vegas judge today sentenced the former football star to at least nine years in prison for the kidnapping and robbery last year of two sports memorabilia dealers in a casino hotel room.

Under the sentence handed down by Clark County District Court Judge Jackie Glass, Simpson would be eligible for parole in 2017. The maximum time he could serve is 33 years.

The sentence came after an emotional address in which Simpson sought to justify his conduct at the Palace Station Hotel & Casino. His eyes red and his voice wavering, the NFL Hall of Famer said he went to the down-market hotel in an effort to recover family heirlooms, including his slain ex-wife’s wedding ring, to pass down to his children.

“In no way did I mean to hurt anybody, to steal anything from anybody,” Simpson said. “I just wanted my personal things.”

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Frisco Police Officer Chases His Own Stolen Truck

I just got this press release e-mailed to me from the City of Frisco, TX (my home town). I have not edited a single word of the release, you’re seeing it as I got it.

This has to be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen a city put out. I love the commentary at the very end of the announcement:

********************************************
The following information is distributed from the City of Frisco’s News and Information service.
********************************************
FRISCO POLICE OFFICER CHASES AFTER HIS OWN STOLEN TRUCK

(October 28, 2008)On Saturday, October 25, 2008, at approximately 10:44 p.m., Frisco Police Officer Jerry Varner was directing traffic at the intersection of Main Street and Coleman Street for Edgefest II when he observed a maroon short bed Chevrolet pickup truck approaching the intersection. Officer Varner thought the truck resembled his own truck and as the vehicle came closer to him, he realized it was his truck. The truck was being driven by a male subject that Varner did not give permission to take the truck.

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Lehman Execs Get $100 Million 3 Days Before Bankrupcy!

Ok. So, a good executive can be worth a lot of money to a company. I don’t have anything against a nice pay package, all things considered. But it is literally criminal for an Executive to receive a huge payout when they deliver negative results for a company. In my opinion, Exec pay should be merit based. If the exec delivers outstanding shareholder value, a big paycheck should ensue.

So, how then about these execs? Just 72 hours before the company filed for bankrupcy, Lehman awarded the top 5 executives $100 million. Yep. You heard that right. They drove the company into the ground and got rich off of doing it.
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FREE PORN!!! FREE PORN!!! FREE PORN!!!

Censored!!!Yeah. That’s how they get you, isn’t it? The spammers… they suck you in with these headlines like “Free Porn!”, “Free Viagra”, “Free Men’s Enhancements” and more. They litter our inboxes with this crap and put banner ads in places they don’t even belong. Well, I’m pleased to tell you that one of the biggest spammers in the universe was shut down yesterday.

The iEEE Spectrum most accurately reported:

The US Federal Trade Commission (FTC) was able to persuade a federal court in Chicago to freeze the assets and order the shut down of HerbalKing, reputed to be one of the largest spam e-mailers, for violating the Can-Spam Act of 2003, the New York Times reports this week.

The Times story reported that SpamHaus, a nonprofit antispam research group, estimated that HerbalKing was responsible for sending out one-third of all spam at one point, which included everything from replica watches to (naturally) herbal pills.

The FTC said that HerbalKing was able to send out billions of spam e-mails through the use of botnets. One botnet was made up of 35,000 computers and was able to send 10 billion e-mail messages a day.

The story quotes a senior technology consultant at Sophos, a spam-fighting security firm as saying, “It wouldn’t be a surprise if people don’t notice any difference in their in-box tomorrow morning.”

But the Times of London wrote a much spicier version… even if they did get the facts off a bit:
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Singapore Considers Legalizing Human Organ Trading

Human OrgansWell, here’s something you don’t see every day…

A sick but very wealthy man was caught lying about purchasing a kidney for a transplant, and then sentenced to one day in prison. Why the short sentence? Well, he wasn’t allowed to have the organ, and heck… he’s gonna die anyway!

But this brings up a serious question. Why the hell shouldn’t he be allowed to buy a spare organ from someone willing to sell one to him?
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Enzyte King Gets 25 Years of HARD Labor

Smiling BobAs a follow up to my previous post about Enzyte being fined $500 million

Smiling Bob isn’t so happy now that the CEO of the company that makes and sells Enzyte is going to the slammer for 25 years. Not only was Steve Warshak convicted of defrauding customers, his 75 year old mother (who has cancer) was convicted and sentenced to 2 years as well!

Now, the old hag will never do any time because she’ll kick the bucket before the appeals are up, but I just love her quote:

“I have grandchildren,” she said. “The time I have left, I’d like to spend with them. I don’t think it’s fair to take me away from them.”

Well guess what lady… the people who you and your offspring were defrauding think it is fair for you to be separated from those rug rats. In fact, it’s probably better for them that they don’t have exposure to “grandma”.
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200,000 Spams and Counting…

Well, looks like it only took about 3.5 weeks to bump the number of Spam responses up over 200,000.

So, I hit the 100,000 mark on May 7, the 175,000 mark on August 7, and the 200,000 mark on September 2. It looks like I’m averaging about 25,000 Spam comments per month, or over 800 spam comments per day!!! To put this in perspective, I currently have just over 9,000 legitimate, approved comments on the blog.

At the current rate we should wrap up 2008 with over 300,000 and then in 2009 we should see the 700,000 mark. Of course, I would assume that the numbers will increase, and if they do there could be well over 1,000,000 spam comments on this blog by the end of 2009.

I can’t wait until the first time some geeky Webmaster tracks down a spammer and murders him just for spamming. I will contribute to his defense fund. Furthermore, I’ll vote for any presidential candidate who promises to make Spamming a capital offense punishable by death (or at least time in a federal prison.).

Thanks to Automattic for Akismet, without which I would probably have quit blogging.