A doctor on his morning walk, noticed an older lady sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, “I couldn’t help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?”

“I smoke ten cigars a day,” she said. “Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and don’t exercise at all.”

“That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?”

“Thirty-four,” she replied.

It’s getting kind of hot here in Texas. Like it’s nearly 100 degrees already. So even though we’re used to the heat, we’ll all be whining about how hot is is really soon. And really, that’s fair. I mean people do occasionally die from heat exhaustion.

Then again, if you compare Texas heat to Antartic cold… we’ll, they’ve got us completely whipped! Here. See what I mean…
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This is a photo I snapped of a cable TV box at an apartment building in Dallas. The door was just hanging open and this is what was inside. I’m amazed that anyone can get any sort of a signal whatsoever!

Yeah, I got an iPhone a while back. Then I got one for my wife, talked my brother into getting one for himself and his wife, and have basically continued to propegate the spread of this piece of technology. And you know what? iPhone is getting a little too cocky!

Luckily, the boys over at College Humor were around when the other cell phones decided to get together and show the old iPhone exactly whose boss!
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Here is a special little treat. Someone has broken like 47 laws and uploaded almost the complete movie The Adventures of Ford Fairlane starring Andrew Dice Clay. Now, for those of you who recall, whenever I post something like this it seems like YouTube is watching my site, so I would expect these pieces to disappear very quickly after I post them. But if you manage to be around and want to watch a fun movie, have at it!

By the way, even if you don’t particularly like Andrew Dice Clay as a comedian, this is still a very entertaining movie. Even my wife enjoys it. It’s got a 4.5 star rating on Amazon, and here it is on IMDB. I will say that it is not appropriate for kids though. Lots of racy scenes, but all in all an excellent comedy / action flick.
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Ok, we’re going to start a whole new category here on OMB. I haven’t added any categories in a long time, but I just realized that I’ve got no jokes on my blog! That is inconceivable! Anyway, here is the inaugural joke. Sent to me by my dad, and previously sent to him by a friend. Enjoy! And if you’ve got any good ones to share please send them to me and I’ll post the best!

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

‘What does it look like?’ she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, ‘It’s square and it has your picture on it.’

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. ‘Here it is,’ she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, ‘OK, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop.’

I sure wish Colby Jones would illustrate this one for us! It would be awesome!

Oh, and the Daily News in Australia has a great article with the Top 50 Dumb Blonde Celebrity Quotes. Priceless.

Here is the latest cartoon from Colby Jones. If only life were this convenient… Enjoy!

Ok, this one goes out to all the guys out there. Brothers, have you got a significant other? If so, by show of hands (or comments down below), how many of you can relate to the guy in this video?

I mean, is it just me, or even though this lady is a little out there… does this look at all familiar? (Doah! That’s gonna land me in the dog house!)
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I am a big fan of Batman. I’m also a big fan of Superman. Heck, I’m a big fan of super heros in general. But are you like me? Wondering exactly how batman actually qualifies as a “super” hero?

I mean, sure he’s a hero! And as a billionaire he certainly has the assets to own all the gatgets and bullet stopping kevlar and stuff. But Superman on the other hand could crush Batman with a single finger! And the boys over at College Humor have obviously taken notice of this fact.
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Here is a clip from the old Tonight Show with Johnny Carson starring guest host Dom DeLuise. In this clip, Dom is going to demonstrate a trick involving eggs, water and a broom.

If you know who Dom DeLuise is, right about now you’re thinking something funny is going to happen. But it’s actually Johnny who steals the show here. Enjoy!
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Man, I love the guys over at CollegeHumor. Wait… I mean, I don’t love them in a gay sort of homosexual way. I love them in an admiring kind of “wish I were them” way. Awkward!

Luckily they’ve created a hip-hop tribute to life’s most uncomfortable moments, like this one, featuring Dan, Sam & Amir.
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Everyone loves a nicely trimmed lawn. Personally, I’m a fan of John Deere tractors. But it seems the ladies in this commercial prefer to use a Wilkinson razor? Wouldn’t that take a long time? I guess I just don’t get it…