Most of the following list of insults from famous people came from Joe-ks.com and I thought they were funny enough to warrant publishing.
I’ll also be posting a few other oldies but goodies soon. Enjoy!
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.â€Â
– Clarence Darrow
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.â€Â
– Groucho Marx
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.â€Â
– Mark Twain
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.â€Â
– Oscar Wilde
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.â€Â
– Winston Churchill
“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.â€Â
– Winston Churchill
“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.â€Â
– William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
“Poor Faulkner, Does he really think big emotions come from big words?â€Â
– Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.â€Â
– Moses Hadas
“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.â€Â
– Abraham Lincoln
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend… if you have one.â€Â
– George Bernard Shaw (to Winston Churchill)
“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.â€Â
– Winston Churchill (in response to George Bernard Shaw)
“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.â€Â
– Stephen Bishop
“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.â€Â
– John Bright
“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.â€Â
– Irvin S. Cobb
“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.â€Â
– Samuel Johnson
“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.â€Â
– Paul Keating
“He had delusions of adequacy.â€Â
– Walter Kerr
“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.â€Â
– Jack E. Leonard
“He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.â€Â
– Robert Redford
“They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.â€Â
– Thomas Brackett Reed
“He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.â€Â
– James Reston (about Richard Nixon)
“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.â€Â
– Count Talleyrand
“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.â€Â
– Forrest Tucker
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?â€Â
– Mark Twain
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.â€Â
– Mae West
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.â€Â
– Oscar Wilde
“A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone’s feelings unintentionally.â€Â
– Oscar Wilde
“I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you’re twenty minutes.â€Â
– Oscar Wilde
“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.â€Â
– Andrew Lang
“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.â€Â
– Billy Wilder
“My prayer to God is a very short one: ‘Oh, Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.’ God has granted it.”
– Voltaire
Here is another one from Oscar Wilde:
“A man’s face is his autobiography. A woman’s face is her work of fiction.”
These were GREAT! I like the exchange between George Bernard Shaw and Winston Churchill, what wit!!!
//bob