I have to start this article out with a story. I was talking to a young guy, who shall go un-named, and he was relating the tale of a date he went on with a girl he really liked. He was smitten with her, but unsure as to whether the feeling was mutual. The story went something like this:
One of my friends introduced us at a party last week. After e-mailing back and forth a few times we decided to meet at a bar after work. When I arrived, she was waiting for me and asked if we should go to the bar or get a table? I figured it would be quicker to go to the bar so we did. She had a Coke, and I got a beer.
After we hung out at the bar for about 30 minutes she mentioned that she was hungry, and there was a Subway nearby so I suggested we go grab a sandwich. She thought that sounded great, so we met over there and ate and chatted for about an hour. This chick was awesome! She even paid for my beer at the bar, and picked up her own dinner at Subway! She’s supposed to e-mail me about going out this weekend.
My dear, cheap-ass friend. Trust me, she’s not interested. Young guys always make the mistake of thinking that just because a lady is laid back and seems to enjoy hanging out, that it means she’s actually content. No, my little naive buddy. Every woman – without exception – enjoys being treated specially, so you must make a concerted effort to romance them.
Here are 14 tips on how to be romantic. HINT: Meeting a girl at Subway to watch her eat a sandwich she paid for is not on the list!
Ground Rules
First, the basic rules. These are the things that your Grandfather would have done for your Grandmother (if he had any class whatsoever), and they apply no matter if this is your first date, or you’ve been married for 50 years.
You must always offer to pick her up.
Go out of your way to let her know that, not only is it not a problem, but you’d really enjoy having her company for the drive. The only way you should not be picking her up is if you barely know one another and she might be more comfortable meeting you somewhere public.
Open every single door for her.
Buildings, cars… whatever. When opening the car door present your hand to help her out. See, you already get to touch her!Pay for as much as you can.
Don’t suggest a restaurant where you can’t afford the tab! Don’t go drinking if you can’t tip the bartender! And unless she absolutely insists on contributing – don’t let her. Oh, and if she does pay, find a reason to stop for ice cream, or flowers, and insist on paying. Tell her you had the money set aside for tonight, and you intend to spend it!
Dress nice.
No matter how long you’ve been together, women don’t want to be seen with a slob. How you look always matters – no matter what anyone ever says. Ever.
I’ll make a huge assumption that you’ve got those bases covered, and now we’ll move on to my patented Cyrano de Bergerac-like Romance tips. Enjoy. Or better yet, make sure she does!
14 Ways Geeks Can be Romantic
Be extravagant occasionally.
People say “be spontaneous”, but thats a load of crap. You must combine spontaneity, with extravagance! It’s not good enough to just be spontaneous. An unexpected kiss is spontaneous, but not remarkable. An unexpected bouquet arriving at the office, for no particular reason, is truly memorable.Shower her with gifts.
Seems obvious right? But it’s not. Chocolate and flowers will only work for so long. And lets face it, lingerie is mostly for you. What you need to do is think of things that she would really enjoy. Examples: exotic bubble bath, a silky soft robe, delicate earrings, etc. Take her to the mall and shop with her and listen for hints. Come back later and buy them when she thinks you’ve forgotten!
Touch her… not there, you idiot!
Women already know that men generally have only one thing on their mind. Show her you care by running your fingers through her hair, softly touching her cheek or rubbing her shoulders.
Cook for her.
And don’t give me any crap about “I can’t cook!” You don’t think other guys were born with a spatula in their hand do you? It takes practice. So find out what her favorite dish is, find a recipe, and make it until you can make it well. Then make it for her! Oh, and be sure it is something you can serve with wine or Champagne.Take her somewhere – but make it a surprise.
Personally I’ve gone so far as to pre-arrange a surprise vacation with my wife’s boss at work. She didn’t even know I’d done it, but I came to pick her up for lunch, and drove her to the airport and hopped on a plane. If your budget doesn’t allow this, take her to a local park, the place you met, or somewhere else special.
Send her to the spa for a day with her girlfriend.
It’s going to cost you about $200 for her to get 2-3 treatments (plus another $200 for her girlfriend if you pick up the tab – and you better), but after manicures, pedicures, facials and massages, those ladies will be in a great mood! Combine with number 5 and you’ll be a God!Try to pay her at least one compliment a day.
Praise her in front of people. If you have children, tell them “You have a great mom. She is so beautiful, or talented, or such a great cook, etc…”
Buy her edible undies.
If your lady has a great sense of humor buy her candy underwear. According to the manufacturer it’s “Sweet & Sexy”, and “made of approximately 330 fruit-flavored candy pieces, and has just 60 calories so don’t worry about it affecting the diet”.Send her Love notes.
But not via e-mail you geek! If they aren’t handwritten, they don’t count. Period. So, take your time, find some nice paper or blank cards, and write her a letter. Leave it somewhere she’ll find it when you aren’t around, and she’ll be happy all day until she sees you again.
Create a photo scrapbook for her.
Look, if you haven’t invested in a quality digital camera yet, you better get one now! And start turning it in your lady’s direction. It’s a great way to make her the center of attention, and can be combined with number 8 quite handily. Then as a bonus you can go home and create a custom photo book using LuLu.com or Shutterfly.com.Watch a chick flick with her.
Here are 76 prime Chick-flicks. Pick out a few DVDs at blockbuster and present them to her for a quiet evening at home. While you’re at it, combine this one with number 5 above.
Slow dance to romantic music.
In fact, make her a CD with the following songs, and dance to at least a couple of them when you give it to her:
- Right Here Waiting – Richard Marx
- Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman – Bryan Adams
- True Companion – Marc Cohn
- All I Want is You – U2
- You’re Beautiful – James Blunt
- Lady in Red – Chris DeBurgh
- Wonderful Tonight – Eric Clapton
- Wicked Game – Chris Isaac
- No Ordinary Love – Sade
- Sexual Healing – Marvin Gaye
- Cant Get Enough Of Your Love, Babe – Barry White
- In Your Eyes – Peter Gabriel
- Fields of Gold – Sting
- You’re The First, The Last, My Everything – Barry White
- Hello – Lionel Richie
- Unforgettable – Nat King Cole
- Time After Time – Cyndi Lauper
- How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You – James Taylor
Take her to Hawaii and/or Santorini.
Either one is going to cost you a fortune, so you’re going to have to save up for a while. But the bottom line is that every woman deserves to see these places – so you better be the man that takes them!Write I love you on at least 100 post-it notes.
When she’s away from home, put them all over the place. Make sure you hide some of them where they won’t be found for weeks, months, or even years. Jacket and pants pockets, every drawer in the house, purses, medicine cabinets, etc.
All romance advice boils down to a) pay attention, b) make an effort in c) time or money, or both. This article has good suggestions in how you can make an effort in time and money.
However, it makes some big assumptions on what women want–romantic comedies, jewelry, spa time, bubble baths etc. etc. I would rather watch a sci-fi flick than a romance, get a book or video game than jewelry, go to a con than a spa, and .. well I like bubble baths. If I got most of the stuff on this list though, I would know that you are not seeing me as a person with my individual likes and dislikes, but as a generic girl who must like generic girl stuff.
So in summary, you shouldn’t worry so much about surprising her with romantic gestures as much as you should be listening to her and using that knowledge to please her–and that could be taking out the trash unasked, paying for a trip to the spa, front row tickets for NASCAR or accompanying her to a lecture on gene sequencing–depending on your lady and what she wants.
I find this article great!!!!
The only thing is that I don’t know how to tell my boyfriend to read it….
any ideas???
These are ridiculously sexist. Women who *need* to be treated like this aren’t doing much for equal rights recognition.
Man, some of you guys are ignorant to a woman’s true feelings and “NO DOUBT” single. If not single, with a very desperate woman. Don’t forget this was written for geeks who usually make a lot of money and need this kind of help. John didn’t say that all 14 suggestions had to be applied.
Great post John. I know a girl who is pretty close to me with a boyfriend who I will be forwarding this to. Thanks
Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh, I get it… you’re one of those guys who has no money AND no respect for women!
Then again, let’s review the cost of some of the suggestions shall we?
In other words, your argument that this article mandates that money is required to win a woman over is patently wrong.
Of course, if you happen to have a decent job and make OK money, you will indeed have a much better chance. Anyone who is too stupid to recognize that should move on.
This article has to be written by a guy with very little charm, looks and/or personality.
Sorry but you obviously think that money and monetary items are the key to winning over a woman. Yes they will definitely get you there faster if you lack the aforementioned qualities but give yourself a break and don’t waste that much money on a woman when you can do just as well without doing so.
Lauren,
Clearly the money thing has to be handled delicately. If a guy makes a woman feel uncomfortable, or like he is trying to be “flashy” with his money – he loses.
But imagine that you had just picked up the tab at dinner, because you wanted to and he let you… and on the way home he asks if it’s all right if he stops at the store to grab a Coke? You say “yes” of course, and then he runs in real quick and comes back out with his coke and a small bouquet of flowers as a nothing more than a “thank you” for picking up dinner.
I’m willing to bet that 9 out of 10 times, if handled correctly, the woman is going to think it is a very sweet gesture. And that is what we’re going for here. Just a few little things to make the ladies feel good. ;-)
John
that thing about finding an excuse to spend money if she wants to pay doesn’t make any sense to me. If someone I was on a date with did that, I would be confused and maybe a little creeped out.
If I’m not the one paying for it, I’ll be romantic all day long!
I just haven’t found anyone able to handle the “big somethings” while I focus on the “little nothings” =P
love the way it is categorize
Never been to hawaii, but I sailed past Santorini once, it is certainly one of these stunning places that jsut take your breath away, we were on a ferry from the mainland to Rhodos or Crete, I was really close to just jumping off the boat right in Santorini :)
Kim:)
Boy, do we have some romantic pessimists in the group! Bah humbug to romance, much?
I think this list is awesome, and even makes me think about my own actions, too!
1/5 th of the effort ???? hmmm
1/5 th if you are over 60
1/6 th for over 55
1/7 th for over 50
1/8 th for over 45
…and so on…
no realy countable effort if handsome and long-nosed with whitish skin…
have a great weekend
Rhoody
Man, thats a lot of work :) ..
Anyway, great tips..
After living Asia these silly chauvanistic ideas make me chuckle. I could make a counter list for here, but not the place or time. suffice to say every euro/amero nerd can be a romantic hero here. Just with 1/5 the effort.
Having been through divorce my goal is now simply to find a woman that I don’t like and give her my house! Saves all the bits in between – ha ha
Agreed with these when I was much younger, but if you do these things for every woman you try to woo, you’ll be broke before you’re fulfilled.
What I need to find is a woman with financial means who will objectify and use me. I could use a change for once =p
Hey I think I scored over 30%! Regarding chick flicks, I look for the ones with sword fights (Princess Bride) or jungle settings (Romancing the Stone) and try to avoid Jane Austen movies, to me they’re man repellent.
uhh, some of these are just creepy. 100 “iloveyou” post it notes? i would run screaming.
but maybe thats just me.