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Home / Thoughts / My Entry for Kyle Cease’s Stand Up Comedy Bootcamp

My Entry for Kyle Cease’s Stand Up Comedy Bootcamp

John P.

September 25, 2009 By John P.

Standup-BootcampSo, one of my favorite comedians, Kyle Cease, is having a course where they teach standup comedy to new and aspiring… um, comedians. Make no mistake about it, I NEVER want to be a comedian. Ever.

But I would like to go hang with Kyle and the rest of the folks and just experience what is going on there? Who knows? I might even do some stupid shit and give a few comedians some free material. One can never tell.

Anyway, Kyle asked people to answer a few questions so that he could choose to give one person a free pass to bootcamp. And I decided to answer just for fun! But since there are like 100+ entries (plus who knows if mine actually gets approved!) I figured I’d share my submission here for you guys to tell me how I did. :-)

Yeah! A Quiz! I love quizzes! Psych. I hate them. But for YOU, I’ll take one. So here goes:

* How would you get the most use out of the bootcamp?
I would use bootcamp the same way I used Marine Corps bootcamp. To bring great death and destruction on unsuspecting small nations!

Oh, wait… How would I get the most USE OUT of bootcamp? Hmmm. Personally, I’d use it to make new friends. And perhaps learn how to be a better speaker, because God knows I’m not EVER going to be a stand up comedian! I’m just not that funny…

* What would be the most you can do with the information you will learn?

The most I could do with it? Well, I could video tape every word of it, have them transcribed by underaged $.50 per hour workers in India. Post them to a public blog. Write an e-book about it, then spam 80 million inboxes asking them to download the information. After I get 1 Million downloads I can then publish an actual book and claim to have a book that was read OVER ONE MILLION TIMES! I can then get richer than I already am, and be a famous comedic genius. Bonus!

* What would be the way you would maximize your connections there?

Well, I would start out by having sex with all the women. Cause once you do that, you’ve got em hooked. I would not have sex with the men. Well, maybe Louie Anderson. But that’s where I draw the line.

After the sex part, I guess I might ruthlessly beg people to follow me on Twitter @johnpoz, and on Facebook @johnpoz, and I might even invite a few folks to tag along with me and head over to the Playboy Mansion to hang with Hef.

But I think the Sex thing is the best way. Definitely.

* How would you use your new experience to make a lot of money?

I already have a lot of money. I don’t need any more. :-) BUT, if you want to give me some, I’ll donate it to a worthy charity.

* How could you impact other people with this experience?

Well, don’t forget about my best selling book! I mean, that alone is going to reach like 80 million people!

I suppose if you really wanted me to, I could also drive around and reenact the Charles Manson killings while telling jokes? But I mean, could you further define the word “impact”?

* What would you do with the new 3 camera shoot tape you would get of yourself performing, after you were coached by the best?

Well, it depends. You know the chicks I was going to have sex with? Can we film that?

If not, then I would want to take the 3 camera crew OUT of the studio… Go bar hopping with you, the crew, and the other students. Get everyone hammered drunk. And film the whole thing! THEN I would post it on my blog at OneMansBlog.com to entertain my mother, who reads my blog every single morning before she goes to work (true story).

* How would you make bootcamp apply to you having the most successful future possible?
Listen. What kind of a question is that? I already had sex with a bunch of hot chicks… I wrote a best selling novel… I made a viral video… Damn Kyle! You are a relentless slave driver!!! What more do you want from me?

Psyche. I love that about you man.

Love,

John P.

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Filed Under: Thoughts, Web Links Tagged With: Comedian, Comedy, funny, Kyle Cease, Thoughts, Web Links

About John P.

John P. is a former CEO, former TV Show Host, and the Founder and Wizard behind Texas Metal Works. You can find him on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn. Feel free to send shoutouts, insults, and praise. Or Money. Money is good.

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