6 Reasons to NEVER Talk Politics, Religion or Abortion

On Politics

We all know people who just can’t stop talking about politics. “Obama is the Devil!” “Bush is the Devil!” “Trump wears a squirrel wig!”.

Well, I don’t give a shit who you like or don’t like. Keep it to yourself! For good reason…

You Don’t Matter, Neither Does Anyone You Know

Unless you have a bully pulpit, even if you convinced a new person every single day of the year (which you never would), an extra few hundred people won’t matter in the least. Yeah, I just said that your vote doesn’t count. And I’m not even kidding. Let me give you an example why.

In 2012 the US had a national Congressional election to fill 435 House Districts across the entire country. The Democratic candidates won over the Republicans by a combined margin of 1,417,278 votes. This might lead one to believe that the Democrats won a majority of the 435 seats, but they did not. Instead, the Republicans won 234 seats, so the Democratic Party was the clear loser.

The reasons for this are well documented, so no need to go into them here. Suffice it to say that there is no such thing as direct democracy. All your gum flapping won’t amount to a hill of beans. If you really want to change anything you need to get off your ass and actually do something about it. (ie – get yourself elected and try and change the system). Good luck with that.

Money Talks

First of all, why do you think that you think the way you do? I mean, you know there is a reason, right? You think your parents instilled your values in you? Or your school? Or coach? Well, tell me genius – where did they pick it up?

The media. That’s where.

Here’s the deal. I’ve got a million dollars. Whatever hard core belief you think you have, if I spent the money to hire 10 of the smartest people I could find, for $100,000 each, and gave them only a single mission – change that belief! I guarantee you, they will.

It’s called lobbying. It works. Why else would doctors promote smoking for decades when it’s so damn obvious that shit can’t be good for anyone?

Point is, whatever you’re flapping your gums about is probably something you’re parroting that someone on TV was preaching about (maybe me). Or that you read in a newspaper. Or even here on this damn blog. They aren’t even your original thoughts! And as such, you don’t really know the origin of them or who exactly they are covertly benefiting.

Example: How do you know that all the fuss about Muslims doesn’t originate from a bunch of high paid think tank lobbyists paid for by the guys who make military weapons? I mean, why would they even dream of inciting people, riiiight?

At this moment there are around 15,000 lobbyists in Washington, DC alone! The number of people doing things to influence the way you think, and your elected representative think, is astounding! They outnumber actual politicians by around 10 to 1.

I mean come one. You really think you like Nike because… why? It has nothing to do with their $2.7 billion dollar annual ad spend, right?

On Religion

You Can’t Prove Shit

Oh, I know you think you can prove there is / is not a God. But you can’t. “But I…” NOPE! “I’m telling you…” NA! “There is…” ZIP IT!

Let me explain something to you. The amount of physical mass in your cranium is so insignifigant compared to the vastness of just the KNOWN universe, that if I were to represent it as a percentage of all the mass that exists, I would have to put a .000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 – and I would have to hold the zero button down until I died. And even then it wouldn’t be enough zeros.

So there is no fucking way you can be absolutely certain about anything! And anything that was told to you by any other human being (living or dead) is just as dumb as you because they have just as many zeros standing between them and eternity.

This is only significant because nothing either side can say will ever, ever prove anything about God or religion in general. That means that people on all sides of the argument are choosing to believe what they think to be the most rational thing.

You’re Just Going To Make Someone Hate You

If you believe in God, you’re probably thinking, “Wow! Look how many people converted to my religion over the last few thousand years! Surely I can bag a few myself!” But let’s face it, talking ain’t what grew your religion! For example, Christianity spread like wildfire when it was enacted by a sovereign that you will believe or be killed!

You know what else helped? Colonizing indigenous people and killing all the non-believers, while convincing everyone else that the reason you won was because God was on your side.

But nowadays you don’t get to torture people into believing. The best shot you’ve got at creating more believers is to have offspring and raise them to think the way you do.

And for non-believers, it’s the same story!

You really think you’re going to talk someone out of believing in God? You have absolutely nothing to offer! Let me see, I can either choose to believe and await my everlasting reward in the afterlife… or I can choose not to believe – get nothing for it – and risk eternal damnation.

Plus, why would you want to even take away someone’s comforting belief? Do you know how good it feels to be able to turn all of your concerns over to some higher being and just go with the flow? You want to rob someone of their happiness and leave them empty inside? What kind of a sicko are you?

On Abortions

No One You Know Will Ever Have An Abortion!

Do you even know 1,000 people? I mean really know them. Can you tell me 1,000 people’s names who are your friend? The kind of friend who would talk to you about their sexual escapades? Because I’m a minor celebrity and I don’t know that many people!

Well, out of 1,000 people, about 18 will have an abortion. Oh, wait! Let’s be clear, when I was asking if you know 1,000 people I wasn’t including men, children, or old people. I’m asking if you know 1,000 women of child bearing age? Because only 18 of them are going to have an abortion. And that means the odds are very, very slim that you even know who you’re flapping your gums about! So STFU!

Stupid people will say:

• You: “It doesn’t matter if I know them or not. Wrong is wrong.”
  Me: If you don’t know them, then why the hell are you talking to me about them? You are literally whining about a fictitious character! Someone, somewhere, is doing something “wrong” all the time! You talking about it isn’t going to change that! Shut up.
• You: “But what if I know someone who is going to have an abortion?”
  Me: Bingo! You won the jackpot! I guess you can actually talk to that person directly! But when you preach to them like a douchebag, expect them to be thinking, “Oh hell yeah, I’m getting rid of this thing just to make sure it doesn’t turn out like this psycho.”
• You: “I know where the clinic is, so I know who is having abortions!”
  Me: NO! You do not KNOW them! You do not know all of the human beings you see. Do you get that? If not, you are an idiot. Stop reading now.

Making Abortion Illegal Doesn’t Stop Abortions

Lets just get the statistics out of the way right up front. According to the Guttmacher Institute:

Highly restrictive abortion laws are not associated with lower abortion rates. For example, the abortion rate is 29 per 1,000 women of childbearing age in Africa and 32 per 1,000 in Latin America—regions in which abortion is illegal under most circumstances in the majority of countries. The rate is 12 per 1,000 in Western Europe, where abortion is generally permitted on broad grounds.

Arguments stupid people are going to make:

• You: “I’ve never heard of these Guttmacher people! They can’t be legit.
  Me: Your ignorance in no way counts as proof. The stats are correct. So come up with a real argument.
• You: “Well, if you make it illegal fewer people will do it!”
  Me: Dammit! Did you not just read that stat? Legality changes nothing, it just migrates abortions from “safe” to “unsafe” methods!
• You: “Well, if a woman is going to kill a baby, she deserves to die anyway. So who cares if it’s safe?”
  Me: So let me see if I have this straight. You are OK will killing fully grown women. But not fertilized eggs?

Well, that’s it. If I offended you, sorry. If I didn’t, I’ll try harder next time. Go ahead and spout forth whatever thoughts you have in the comments. I’ll try and ignore them as best I can.