How to Get Out of a Speeding Ticket

ByJohn P.

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

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John P.

John P. is a former CEO, former TV Show Host, and the Founder and Wizard behind Texas Metal Works. You can find him on X, Facebook and LinkedIn. Feel free to send shoutouts, insults, and praise.

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8 Comments

  1. Wow, incredible weblog structure! How lengthy have you ever been running a blog for? you made running a blog glance easy. The entire look of your site is fantastic, let alone the content!

  3. Hi John, how are you?
    I attended last year wordcamp, I hope you remember me, I am from Mexico City. I am attending this year Opencamp and I am really exited by the program.
    At the moment I am in Hong Kong, in a Risk and Crisis Communication meeting, held by Journalism and Media Studies Center, Hong Kong Univiersity. We are discussing about H1N1 pandemic. (http://jmsc.hku.hk), and one of the most topics discussed is social media.
    I was wondering if it is possible for me to give a small talk about it at Opencamp. Explaining the importance that social media has, the challenge that it has become to health, risk and crisis communication and the social impact, and for that, responsibility that social media leaders have when an emergency is going on. I don’t know if it would be relevant for the attendees.

    Thanks, and let me know what are your thoughts on this.
    Marilu Acosta
    PS: I tried to sed tris by contact form, from my iPad, but I couldn’t find the sed botton.

  6. LOL That is the funniest joke ever! I love it! She made the first officer look like a complete jerk hehehe

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