We’re All Big Dumb Apes (With WiFi)

We’re all suffering from a collective delusion of grandeur. I guess because we wear synthetic fabrics and carry supercomputers in our pockets connected to all the world’s knowledge, we’ve convinced ourselves that we’ve evolved past our biology. Just because the Falcon 9 can land on a drone ship doesn’t mean anyone has the right to think they’re sooo advanced…

Here’s the uncomfortable truth: You aren’t advanced. We aren’t advanced. The system’s advanced. You’re just a passenger on a cruise ship you don’t know how to steer, eating food you didn’t cook, relying on an engine you can’t fix.

Biologically, you’re exactly the same as a peasant from 1520. You’re the same animal as the hunter-gatherer from 10,000 BC. The only difference is that they knew how to keep themselves alive, and you know how to order Uber Eats.

The 100-Year Flashback

We act like civilization is this permanent, unshakable state of being. But look at the scoreboard. Only three or four generations ago, a blink of an eye in human history, our ancestors were still shitting in buckets and wiping their ass with corn cobs.! I’m talking about your great-grandpa, sonny!

The only reason you aren’t currently dying of cholera is because a silent army of engineers and sanitation workers keeps the sewage moving away from your house. We’re the first generation in history to be completely ignorant of where our waste goes. We press a lever, a miracle happens, and we go back to scrolling TikTok.

But if the power grid fails and the pumps stop? You aren’t an apex predator anymore – you’re a biological hazard in a condo!

Specialization is for Insects

Science fiction author Robert Heinlein famously wrote, “Specialization is for insects.” (My favorite quote, and the tagline of this blog.) He said:

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly.

Today? We’ve got people who are “Senior VPs of Digital Brand Synergy” who LITERALLY can’t scramble an egg.

We’ve specialized ourselves into helplessness. We’ve outsourced our survival to apps.

• Hungry? DoorDash.
• Lost? Google Maps.
• Cold? Nest Thermostat.

We’re 99% dependent, functioning like infants with credit cards. We’ve traded competence for convenience. If the GPS satellites drifted off course tomorrow, millions of people would effectively be trapped in their own neighborhoods, unable to navigate to the next town over without a blue line telling them where to turn.

The Modern Competent Human

This isn’t a call to return to the Stone Age. Air conditioning’s great. Antibiotics are a miracle. But we need to stop confusing access to civilization with being civilized. A truly civilized human shouldn’t be a helpless dependent. If your entire existence relies on other people doing the dirty work for you, you aren’t advanced; you’re just a well-groomed pet.

Here’s my take on updating Heinlein’s assertion. A modern human being should be able to:

1. Master the Art of Learning: Formal education ends, but ignorance is forever unless you know how to learn. Discover how to strip-mine a subject for information. Don’t wait for someone to teach you – because a teacher may never come.
2. Identify a Logical Fallacy: You cannot think clearly if you don’t know when you’re being manipulated. Whether it’s a politician, a marketer, or your own brain playing tricks, understanding the mechanics of bias is the only defense against stupidity.
3. Join Metal (Weld): We live in the Iron Age. If you can’t stick two pieces of metal together, you’re at the mercy of the hardware store. It’s not black magic; it’s a basic survival skill in a world built of steel.
4. Unclog a Pipe: You shouldn’t need to pay a stranger $200 because you don’t understand how a plunger or a P-trap works.
5. Perform Basic Auto Triage: If a car is your lifeline. You must be able to change a tire, check the oil, swap wiper blades, and refill fluids. Ignorance of your vehicle is negligence.
6. Balance a Budget: If you don’t tell your money where to go, you’ll wonder where it went. Financial illiteracy is a self-inflicted wound.
7. Sharpen a Blade: A dull knife is dangerous and useless. Every person should be able to restore an edge that cuts cleanly.
8. Start a Fire: In the wind, with damp wood, and without a gallon of gasoline. Thermodynamics doesn’t care if you’re cold.
9. Cook a Protein: Eggs, steak, or chicken. No microwave, no pre-made sauce. Just heat and chemistry.
10. Operate a Firearm: You don’t have to love them, but you should know how to safely clear, load, and fire a handgun or rifle. Tools are only dangerous when you don’t understand them.
11. Leverage AI and the Internet: The sum of human knowledge is at your fingertips. If you can’t query it effectively to solve a problem, you’re choosing to be helpless. And you will be left behind like a caveman.
12. Communicate Clearly: If you can’t articulate your idea, the idea doesn’t exist. Eloquence is a force multiplier.
13. Lead and Follow: Know when to take charge of a team and when to shut up and execute orders. Both are vital; neither is permanent.
14. Plant a Tree: Understand the soil, the water, and the patience required to make something grow that’ll outlast you.
15. Live Ethically: Have a code. Understand right from wrong even when it’s inconvenient. A skilled human without ethics is just a dangerous animal.
16. Nurture a Relationship: Building things is hard; building a bond with another human is harder. It requires maintenance, just like a car or a house.

The Takeaway

Be humble. Realize that you stand on the shoulders of giants who built the pipes, the grid, and the supply chains. And learn to do something real.

Because if the lights go out, only the “dumb apes” who know how to build things are gonna be left. If you’re not useful, you’re dead.